[STORY] Legendary Toto 18+ (episode 1-18)

Episode 1

Legendary Toto 18+
Subtitle – biko share abeg.
¶Episode 1
The vibration of my tecno pop woke me up the phone seff have tire me I need to change it.
I dragged myself to phone and check it was my junior bro Daniel.
Daniel: Marve I don enter yawa oo
Me: come, why you dey pant like Christmas goat??
Daniel:bro I no dey joke oo I don enter to dey come una house now now.
Me:Idiot I no dey house, no near my house to
Daniel: bro abeg no do laidis.
He said and dropped the call.

Well my name is Marvellous but my niggas call me Marve for short I’m a second class graduate of accountancy in the university of Lagos I relocated to Ibadan where my family lives to look job but I was able to secure an apartment a bit from home.

I quickly got up locked my windows, locked my kitchen door, and my slippers that is outside.
Got inside and brought out the remaining 3k in my wallet plus my ATM and some other percious things, before the idiot will come again saying he need to beg them with some money again.
I started walking to and fro in my room my mind no dey at rest I still remember wetin I went through in the hand of soilders the other time I no dey well to do frog jump oo.
Then I heard a loud knock at the door eeeeeehhh! I don die! I quickly go into the kitchen and took the pestle Mama chidi left in my place the other time no ask me wetin she come do.
Me:who be that?? *I ask in naira marley’s. Voice”
Daniel:na me to open door jharey.
Me:Daniel weti happen where them dey??
Daniel:who be that?
Me:those idiots wey dey pursue una
The idiot just fell on my bed laughing.
Daniel:Abeg shey food dey*he said admist laugh..
Me:The food wey your ancestors bring come here?? Idiot
The idiot open all my pots and ate the rice I reserved for myself..
Daniel:You suppose dey happy say I come
Me:Idiot come dey go
I arranged my room to it’s normal state and started thing about my life when sleep came.
*Bang! Bang!*
Me:who be that idiot?!?*I said still sleeping.
*Idiot open this door now or well break it*
My eyes shined immediately!

[nextpage title=”episode 2″]
Episode 2.

*Open this door now before I loose my temper*
Na that time I no say my troublesome landlord and his caretaker is back.
*I don’t know the reason why I have these kind of dogmatic, Animalistic and Nicompoo people as my tenant.
Caretaker:Oga wait make he come out fess.
*Eeeeeehhh our sure landlord E sure for you* I could hear the other tenants saying.
*Will you all shut up!, Birds of the same feather*he barked
But wait oo I just paid my rent naa!
*Can you imagine, I spent fortune in building this house from the foundation to the roofing I use all my yout—
Then I opened the door.
Me:Oga landlord good afternoon
Landlord:Save your greetings, where is the monthly Nepa money I told you to pay.
Chaii untop all the rantings.
Me:but Oga landlord I’ve given papa Anderson naw!.
Caretaker:eehn when papa Anderson become caretaker when I never die eeehn!
Sometimes I do wonder say, shey na caretaker own this house nii abi the idiot we call our landlord
Landlord:Call me that pot bellied vagabond.
Papa Anderson:Oga landlord I go pay your money I use the money do something.*he said scratching his neck
*Eeeeeehhh no wonder hin kill fowl yesterday kon dey talk say —
Papa Anderson:Chaii mama tope shut up!
I just dey watch the woman dey whine nose,clap hands na just only wrapper dey for the woman body oo imagine!.
Then out of nowhere her second son King came out with no clothes holding a dirty plate that have melon soup all over it body.
Mama tope: King wetin you dey do for here? Oya commot go inside.
Vicky olosho – eeeeeehhh abeg shey na pikin be dis??
Mama tope – no na your ancestors oloshi
I heard she was given Vicky olosho after they caught her with a married man giving her d*ggy from behind before our local newscasters spread am like wide fire..
Oga landlord:will you all shut up idiooo…ts, nuisan…ces Papa Anderson you must pay me my money on Friday unfailingly you hear?? *He said and started walking away.
Caretaker:Abeg papa Anderson when una become the caretaker wey dey collect money?!?
Papa Anderson:I say ago pay am later ahh!
Vicky olosho:Oga landlord my rent go soon expire shey Mai come una house??
Oga landlord: God forbid I’m still young to contact any incurable disease, daughter of Jezebel

Naso people started laughing.
Mama tope:I talk am ashawooo!!, Go find work leave another person husband*she resumed her marathon clapping again*
Vicky olosho:Na you Sabi oo no go take care of that dustbin you call your pikin *Then she started walking away.*
Papa Anderson:mama tope make your mouth kill you there—-
I walked back to my room when they started their noise again.
I walked to my fridge when Nepa brought light
I heaved a sigh of relief knowing full well that they would all go into their room.
It was evening so I bath and took my wallet I wan go carry game for one bet9ja shop, I was walking slowly almost getting to the shop when I sight Queen, my 7k wey she thief don make her dey shine oo
As I dey see am laidis na my 7k I dey see.
Naso I follow am Queen! Queen!! naso the babe tear race, ehnn! I must catch una today temple run activated naso I pick race follow am.
It’s either I collect my money or I tear that p—y…
7k no be chikini money abeg.

[nextpage title=”episode 3″]
Episode 3.
As I inserted my condom coated d*ick have been dreaming to f–k this babe but she too dey form and today na the day.

Chaii the hole too wide chaii!
Queen:Untop all this your mouth you no fit f–k well self.

Me:well wait and see

I took one of my pillow I put it under her tummy the the banging started.

Queen:Ah! Ah! sma..ll sma..ll abeg.

I increased my t—-t and banged her real hard

I turned her and for missionary style still banging and also rubbing her cl*t at the same time.
I pulled her to a wall and continued my banging spree..

Me:Oya su*ck me.

Chaii the girl na good sucker, she started kissing the the tip holding my d*ck with one hand and rubbing her cl*t the same time.

Me:Ahh! *I groaned holding her head tight to myself*

She took all the 9 inches into her mouth and started groaning.

For where?? I no care.

I released in her mouth some minutes later and fell on my bed..
I was almost sleeping when she called me.

Queen:Oga Marve! wey my money make I dey go.

Me:Haha I no go sleep?, Oya wait till tomorrow naw

Queen for where you want tear my Toto abi??

*Shaking my head*
See the idiot wey say I no Sabi f–k..

But I don enter Dreamland tey tey.

At around 2am I woke her up and we started another round of hot f–k she just dey shout anyhow.

Queen:He don kill me oo, Aaaaaah! help me oo the thing sweet me oo, E dey pepper me yeeeh! aaah!..

I woke up the next day to find all my money gone chaii money wey I win from bet9ja.
And dey don tell me say all this igbo babes na thief and na original mopo dem be dey to stingy abeg.
Since that day I started searching for her, the babe no get any exact house she dey live..
I wan fool am make I f–k for free but I ended up been the one fooled.
Chaii Oga Marveeee!

As I dey follow am run ehn, my mind just dey tell me Egungun be careful na express you dey go and true true na one express for that Dugbe(In Ibadan) side she dey run go.

Before I do Jac.. na so one Camry jam am..
Ehn, I quickly reversed and pick race..

*Catch that Bobo, make him no go oo catch am oo*

Ehn which Bobo??..

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Episode 4.

I just finished changing into a new pair of clothes, so that I won’t raise any kind of suspicion. When I saw guys in police wear coming towards me I pretended not to see them and walked faster but it’s seems those guys are after me. I quickly walked passed my room and opened the backyard door running into the nearby bush.

Officer 1: Where him dey??

Officer 2: Idiot no be here him pass??

Officer 3: Make the two of una and calm down, him fit know one escape route so make we go front small.

The three idiot walked away and I heaved a sigh of relief when I hear someone clapping behind me, they were two in number smoking heavily, the first one holding a gun while second one was hold an axe.

Guy 1: Wehdon, una try well well, una think say you fit run abi??

Guy 2: Leave the idiot, after him don mess with Oga babe.

*Wait oo which babe??, Which Oga??**
Then my eyes caught the tattoo on their arms they were the odika boys.
The cult group was one of the most popular in Ibadan.

Guy 2: Oya make we dey go.

Haha, no be laidat naw I’m a guy so I must stay gidigba.

Me: I nodey follow una go anywhere. *I said standing up from the grass I’m lying one froming a frown on my face*

Guy 2: Una one prove stubborn bah??

This one too dey talk too much.
I look at the surroundings and found out that the place we are is an open space.
I look around to see if there is an escape route cos I’ve been surrounded by these two idiots.

Guy 2: Oya follow us now before I count three.

Me: I say I nodey follow una go anywhere una no hea…

Then this slap wey be like thunder just land me for ground.

Guy 1: Una too dey talk too much

Then I felt a cold iron smashed on my head, naso I started seeing all kind of double before everything blacked out.

Faint voices: The idiot never wake??

They poured water on me that was when I wake up fully, I found myself in a bathroom, they kept pouring water.

Me: Issokay, Issokay i don wake up una wan kill me..

This one’s no even talk they just dragged my wet body into a room.
I looked around its a well furnished room, I thought na uncompleted building them dey carry me go self.

Voice: Our Mr. F*cker, how una dey..

As I look up laidis na their capon, Queen dey untop him leg dey shine teeth, I think say una don die naw.

Capon: I hear say una won chop my original naija babe work bah??.
Well no worry I don arrange babes for una.

Naso 5girls laidat came in, my brothers and sisters in the Lord, this babes geh asset.

Capon: Oya enjoy.., babes if e no co – operate tell us make we finish am..

Naso all of them go out oo..

Me: ah! ah!!, this Toto sweet me.

But I don dey t—-t like 30 minutes naw the babe no m*an. Him just dey look me. At least before I die I must enjoy baba God go understand..

Babe: Una no Sabi f*uck seff.

They all tied me to a chair, they first one touched my d*ick it shivered, they all started to off their clothes, and started eating each other p*ussies.
Leaving me and my d*ck to groan in pain, then one of them sat on my d–k this one dey tight well she started bouncing on my d–k the noise just dey do kpakpa, she shifted one of her succulent bwess in my mouth I s—-d hungrily.
And for the first time she moaned I have released up to 5 times now the girl no stop oo, I looked to the other girl what I saw made my d*ck more enraged.
The girl I was f*©king before has her mouth on the other girl p*ussy s—–g it real hard sometimes she’ll kiss the girl with her juice soaked mouth while they will both moan, the other girls were s—–g themselves in a 69 position.
After an hour the girl on my d*ick finally stopped, I thought that was the end but no! another babe mounted my d*ck this one is quite wide she looked like those wild ladies I saw when watching p–n this one no m*an at all I tried to s–k her bwess but I was welcomed with a resounding slap.
I’m getting tired my power bank is almost dry and dying, I remembered when my neighbors were talking about a guy who was raped by many ladies and later died coz his heart seized after he came more than 52 times.
My own no go be laidat.
Then an escape plan popped into my head.

Me: You’re forming bad girl abi??
Oya make we go do d*ggy style for inside bathroom if una no die under me.

The idiot just do like say em no hear the rest of the girls just laugh.

Me:if E sure for all of una make we go do am.

Naso the babe stand up.
Ahh! thank you baba God oo
They all started walking toward the bathroom, I followed them quickly.
The bathroom dey nice abeg, E be like say na hotel we dey oo.

I grabbed her butt and thrusted into her. The idiot juss moan loudly this syle no dey fall my hand at all.
I looked at them they were all shocked.
I’ve been fu*king the babe for the past 20minutes oo.
I looked at the other fool they were carried away with thier lesbo stuff.

Me: Oya wait make I go carry soap.

I just walked quietly to the door got out and locked them.
I quickly wear my clothes and versace palm wey I just buy when they started banging the door.
I was about to escape through the main gate when I heard.

Voice: Na I’m be that make him no go o!

I started running when I heard something like bang! bang!!

Naso I wake up, my mind no dey rest after this Queen issue.
Wait seff who dey knock??

Me: who be that??

Voice:This is sergeant kunle from alakara police station….

[nextpage title=”episode 5″]
Episode 5.

The only message wey my brain dey pass for me is yawa oo, yawa.

Me:Wait wetin be the person name wey you dey find..

I said still not opening the door.

Sergeant kunle: It’s one Mr Marvellous we’re looking for and am sure we’re not at the wrong address..

Me:I just move for here E no pass on week oo
Maybe you should ask people wey dey around.

Sergeant: Why don’t you show us your face, you know, you could help us trace the person..

Well, I no wan my matter be the no. 1 trending news for this area. Naso I open door oo.
The first thing I see for the sergeant hand na my picture.

Sergeant:So you want dey play games with us bah??
Officers! bundle am.

Me:wetin I do you.. I come steal p*nt for your house why you wan arrest me?

Naso one officer wey him teeth yellew pass MTN colour talk.

Officer: offense no 1, una insult the officer of the law..

Sergeant:When you reach our station you go know..

*Eeeeeehhh everybody come see something oo*
Chaii see wetin I dey avoid shey this woman no get work abi gini??

Naso them start to come out one by one.

Vicky olosho: Haha Oga policee why una wan arrest my husbandi??

Me: Abeg make we dey go.

Coz I no remember the time wey public toilet become my wife oo

Papa Anderson: Kai! and the boy nodey talk oo..

Emeka too much money:Nigga you don enter oo.
Abeg gimme the key to your room I wan carry babe come abeg..

Them give am Emeka too much money because the guy na Yahoo boy him like to dey spend money anyhow as if na him ancestors work for the money..

Me: Officers make wey dey go naw.

Naso them carry me go police station oo..

As I reach station laidis naso them say make I write statement oo..

Me:I no know wetin I do, you say make I write statement.
Naso them dey do??..

Naso one woman wey go dey at her mid fifties come out.

Woman: shey na the idiot, goat wey won kill my pikin be dis.

Naso the woman lock my shirt oo

Woman:You must kill me today oo, if my pikin die eehn you go see wetin your generation never see before.
Officers abeg carry this criminal enter cell naw.

I sha later write the statement they collect my wristwatch, my shirt and my wallet.

Officer: As you fine reach you no get pass 200naira for wallet and if we talk naw you go dey shout bigi boy, bigi boy we know pipu like una you still wan kill another person pikin.
Ah you be criminal!

The officer na woman oo smh.

Me:officer abeg my mama number dey the wallet help me call her say I dey here

I was later dragged to my cell the place na hell.
I started hearing groaning sounds and to my surprise one guy dey give him fellow guy from behind..

Guy 1:Ahh Ahh! f–k me Wella I wan taste your c-m f–k me bobo!

Guy 2:Ah uhm!!

I made sure they were done before I talked.

Me:Ehm my Ogas Wehdon oo

Guy 1: how far baby!

Blood of Jesus!! I cover myself with the holy ghost blood of zacarayah!

Guy 2: Welcome to the den!

Eeeeeehhh see where stingyness carry me come ooo..

My brother later came to check me sha, he asked wetin happen buh I no fit tell am naw.
I was later dragged to my cell.
Night don come, I lie down no reach five minutes when I felt someone grab my ass..

[nextpage title=”episode 6″]
Episode 6.

At first I think say na joke until the hand started massaging my bum
I quickly stood up, *abi I dey hallucinate nii??* I thought when I no see the hand again
I lie down again and changed direction when the hand came again

Voice: Alaye calm down naw, na cleansing we wan do for una

Me: Cleansing for wetin, I dey do deliverance??

Voice: Shut up! una too dey talk too much

Like play, like play four hands started to pin me to the floor

Me: help! help me oo
Oga officers, ancestor officers, my generation Officers!!

Two officers came running like Christmas fowl wey they wan kill.

Officer 1:Why una dey shout like pikin wey dem just born wey tell God say him wan go America but meet himself for 9ja

Officer 2: Bia, which officer na your generation officer??, criminal no dey my generation

Me: Abeg make una comot me for here

Officer 2: Comot you for here??

Officer 1: Who you be??

Officer 2: President pikin??

Officer 1: Talking to the guys** wetin una do am??

Guy 2: We wan do cleansing for am, as our new paddy

Officer 1: Cleansing for wetin??

Officer 2: Eeeeeehhh Pastor criminal when una start evangelism ehn?

Me: Abeg ago pay una comot me for here fess.

Officer 2: How person wey be say na only 200naira him get for pocket fit pay us?

Me: Officer forget that one comot me for here naw

They sha later took me out, this night was a very cold night so almost all the officers are the sweaters, the station seff is almost deserted, those Officers that came to arrest me were not there again I think they are the afternoon shift.
I sit down no reach two minutes when they started asking for money

Me: Oga make una calm down naw, I go give una tommorow.

Officer: Abi this one dey craze? who you dey scope? See ehn, iffu no gimme the money now now I go throw you for inside that cell again.

Me: Haha make…

Then we started hearing noise people were throwing words at each other.
The officer wey dey my neck don dey smile like Easter snail.

Officer: Chaii market don set for this night oo.

They started making noise those officers nodey help matter at all.
They suppose to quench fire dey dey add petrol.
They seem to have forgotten me.
I sneaked comot for their midst and started running when one of the station guard saw me dem no waste time at all dem pursue me oo.
Las Las them catch me, but the cell wey dem put me this time around worrrrse ah! E worse.
I was welcomed by a resounding slap.

Guy: As una don come laidis go fan our oga until him sleep

Me:Why ago fan person when I suppose sleep??

To cut the long story short, I fanned the unwanted pig wey dem call boss oo.

One officer came to drag me out and I was told Queen is dead!

Me: Queen is gini??

I screamed oo, baba God shey na laidis I’ll go prison coz of 7k ehn??

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Episode 7.

I thought I’ll go to jail but it doesn’t seem that will happen I was locked in the cell for five days until I was released, I have second doubt about Queen’s death.
I went home afterwards, my family house I mean I can’t just go into that my apartment to avoid embarrassment.
I sat at our house varandah when my junior bro Daniel came with is noise again.

Daniel: Hey fine boy criminal!! how una??

That was the name the idiot gave me since I returned from cell.

Me: Wetin happen again??

Daniel: Calm down jhoor E get one babe for area five I been dey reason am but E no wan show me green light.

Me: Ehen wetin come be my own??

I was really interested in what he was about to say buh I have to bone face to avoid been teased.

Daniel: C’mon now the girl geh asset oo.
Her matter don tire me I just want to make una try una luck.

Me: No dey whine me abeg I no geh time.

Daniel: No miss this opportunity oo.

Me: Oya ago try, hope say una no dey whine me sha

Daniel: Haha why una dey do like this naw??
We go hit area five in the evening.

I was thinking maybe I should try my luck, but I doubt if I’ll go for two reasons, to be rejected and my mama.
She don talk plenty the first day dem released me for cell.
She went to the extent to tell me she didn’t come to see me in the police station coz I’m an irresponsible guy and a brother, My mates are getting married with good jobs I’m here fooling around.
Her word pierced my heart badly that I kept myself in a house arrest.
I really need to fuc*k even if it would be the last time.
It won’t be bad if I give it a try.
My brother and I bursted area five sha luckily the girl was around I no waste time at all the babe bad as my brother talk am but I no say she dey form, I no know how E take happen but we found ourselves on my bed tearing each other clothes apart.
We started from French kiss the babe bad die, her name na Bisola from the information I gathered.
She pushed me gently to the bed s—–g the life out of our lips, she unbuckled my belt like flash and took out my d!ck her touch alone made pre – cu*m oozing out like water.
She lick it dry before kissing the tips I couldn’t help but moan out loud, if care is not taken I’m sure I’ll cu*m any time from now. we
She s—-d it real hard the girl is a pro I failed myself I came immediately I don’t know what’s wrong with me it just a week I had se*x last what could have happened??
But Bisola wasn’t discouraged at all she drank it all and winked she came forward and kissed me but the kiss was awful I found out that she didn’t drink the cu*m she poured everything in my mouth I quickly got into the bathroom spit it out and washed my mouth.
I came back to meet her laughing.

Bisola: So you can release I’m my mouth but you can drink your cu*m bah?!?!

I didn’t bother to reply I dragged her hair and positioned her in a do*ggy style and Fu*cked the hell out of her.

Bisola: Ahh uhhm asssshhh.. e dey sweet me me ,, eeeeeehhh E dey pepper me, Harder baby!

I changed into a missionary style and thrusted deeper she couldn’t help but moan loudly.

I stimulated he cl*it and s—-d her n—-e they were da-mn red! I will pinch it, bite it gently and s–k it.

We changed to reverse cowgirl bouncing up and down and also rubbing her cl*it I’ll take control at some point then she return to her work again.

We went 3rounds before we call it a day.
I saw her off and came back to meet my mum.
She shaked her head before saying.

Mum: Shey you know say shade your neighbor is pregnant she came here this morning saying you’re responsible.
Come when will you receive sense??

Am dead shade is pregnant?? for me??

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Episode 8

I’m really confused how can shade be pregnant?? it’s surely a disaster, no..no no I wanted to use protection that day but it’s like them send the girl say make she come spoil my plans I jerked out of thought when I heard my mom calling.

Mom: I called you here coz I found a job for you in the community secondary school

Chaii this my mama seff I no say she want to insult me again but I don ready..

Me: thanks mom, but I no think say I wan go

Those seven words words slipped out of my mouth, actually I no mean am sha..

Mom: [her eyes widened] come, you smoke cabin biscuit paper??
you must do the job oh

Me: I just dey joke, when I go start??

Mom: I tell you, you too dey irresponsible, so you dey tease your mama be that bah?? I don help una work am out you go start on Monday.

Those words pain me I just knack am for body.
I stood up to walk away when she say something

Mom: shade no get belle but she kon here say hin dey look for una she dey angry as I see am.. Oya dey go.

Me: [forming] but mama which Kain joke be that naw??

Mama: so you wan kon beat me??

I jumped on the bed really happy, i think say I don enter yawa oo today’s Friday so I thought of moving back to my house so I packed my bags took out my credentials and re arranged them, I called shade she juss dey vex say I no call am I calm her down and we ended the call about how we’ll meet so we fixed Sunday.
I’m moving back to my house the next day so I re package my bag and slept off.

I woke up the next day and went to my apartment, I made sure I got there early to avoid their wahala.
I cleaned my room and put everything in order.
I cooked some noodles and slept off when a call woke me up it was shade telling me she’s at my door knocking without me answering..

Voice: I say police don arrest am, him don turn criminal, him nodey house una nodey hear??

I open the door and she came in.

Voice: eeeeeehhh when una come back Oga Marve??.[Naso the busy body started shouting]
Kon see ooo, him don come back oo

Me: mama tope abeg comot for my door go mind your business abeg

Mama tope: so him don reach level wey you dey insult me bah??

Me: Oya no vex abeg dey go.

I slammed the door shut and face shade.

Me: which Kain surprise be this one?? no be tommorow we talk??

Shade:[frowed] which kain talk be that I no fit suprise una??

Me: you suppose tell me na

Shade: [carried her bag] ehn ehn I don dey go

Me: haha E no reach that level naw.
oya no vex you see I no dey ready there nothing wey I go use entertain una

Shade:[dropped her bag and faced me] use suppose talk that before no worry we go work an out.

Me:[tickled her] see how you reason my matter.

I place my lips on her and we engage in a hot kiss session I was about to remove her blouse when she stopped me.

Shade: Oya Issokay make we find something chop fess.
I no wan make my toto dey hot before I chop abeg.

She cooked and we ate and we got engaged in another hot kiss again, well the rest na Tori for 2 pm.

I was really famished from the hot s*ex and stood up to drink a cup of water, I looked down at shade she carry her Toto face to the fan direction I want to lie down and rest when I heard a loud bang on my door.

Me: [groaned] who be that??

Voice: na Oga landlord!

Voice 2: and the number 1 original caretaker

Voice: will you shut up!

Voice: but Oga E reach to de…

Naso I hear gbas gbos..

[nextpage title=”episode 9″]
Episode 9

I quickly open my door to avoid any story that will touch the heart.

Oga landlord: I said you should shut up! Shut up!!, This is my house you don’t talk when I talk.

Caretaker: but Oga why you kon samah my face naw.
Sheybi I wan help una call am out

Oga landlord: [gbosaa another slap landed on the caretaker cheeks] I said you dont talk when I talk…… Infact you’re fired!

Caretaker: fire wetin?? Abeg no talk dah one oo fire wetin infact if una talk am again I go use water quench una mouth!

Oga landlord: so you’re threatening me on my own property??

Mama Tope: Oga landlord abeg small small ooh.

Papa Anderson: aaah aah! mama Tope them download unsupported file format for una brain??

Vicky olosho:[mocking] yeeeh papa Anderson that one too much naw sorry eehn mama Tope

Mama tope: shey na me all of una dey insult.

Oga landlord: will you all shut up?!?!

Me: Oga landlord na me be this….

Then they all turned to me..
Actually all the tenants were around today we are about 24 living in the compound about 78% of people staying here are married..

Vicky olosho: [grinning] chaii my husband don land oo

Papa Anderson: The only original fine boy for this compound welcome ko..

Emeka too much money: welcome back bro.

Oga landlord: enough of the welcome rubbish..

Caretaker: I tire oo

Oga landlord:[faced me me] ehn ehn I came to let you know the rules and regulations of this house… But before I talk I want to let you know that I don’t tolerate criminals in my house.

Caretaker: [cuts in] dah one nah 1, no late payment.

[Haaaaha Oga caretaker make we hear word naw] the other tenants screamed…

He sha later finished all his so called rules he then left but not without their normal noise.
I went back to my room to meet shade who’s up already it was their noise that woke her up I guess..
She started her questions which I tried my best to shut her up.
She left later in the evening so I decided to take my bath, so I took my tools and left to the bathroom I turned on the shower but water no run so I took one of buckets to fetch water from the general tank.
I fetched it and was about to get into my room when Vicky olosho called..

Vicky olosho: Ehen ehn oga Marve the only handsome bobo for this our compound

Me [sighed] Vicky wetin happen why the epistle??

Vicky olosho: haha person no fit greet una again??

Me: oya no vex wetin happen??

Vicky olosho: abeg I just bought a new laptop and I wan charge am abeg I wan bring am my socket don spoil

Me: hahaaa all the socket wey dey your room don spoil??? no come oo, I wan go out

Vicky olosho: abeg na I go give una anything..

As I hear those words ehn I di*ck noded in my boxer but hmmm, I no wan carry gono abeg..

Me: no wahala Oya bring am, I dey wait.

Vicky olosho: haba I go bring an come your room naw.

I noded and left to take my bath I finished and clean up when a knock landed on my door I knew it was Vicky so I opened it . Mehn the dress she wore is sooo revealing.
She entered shining all her 399 teeth.

I had only boxers on so I went to wear my shirt when she shouted..

Vicky olosho: Oga Marve this thing no do oo

I helped her and was about to wear my trouser when she grabbed my d*ick through my boxer.

Me: Vicky wetin y..o..u d…ey d…o??

Before I count 1 my d*ick don land for her mouth.
She’s really good , she kiss the tip then swallow all the length

Vicky:[sultry voice] this your thing too big Abeg I wan make you f**uuuccckkk me make my Toto dey on fire.

My lips got glued with her’s as we engage in a very hot kiss..
I kissed her neck then tear her shirt off I pinched her n—-e then s–k it, I thought I’ll cut it off coz I s—-d it with all my strength I heard her saying all kind of things which I later knew it was rubbish.
I inserted my d*ick in her slippery pu*ssy as expected the hole was large I pounded her from the back really hard.

Vicky olosho: ahh! aahh! pond my toto, make am hot shift my womb abeg Harder ooo f–k me oo

Those word turned me on and I pounded her as she wanted.

We fu*ck for about 2hours before we stopped…

Vicky olosho: Ah Oga Marve you took know how to f–k na you own my Toto now

She left with her laptop which I later knew nothing was wrong with her sockets she only wanted d*ick..

I slept off and woke up the following morning which was Sunday I took my time to arrange my credentials and ironed my white shirt plus my black trouser then polish my black shoes.
The day was uneventful but Vicky came back to collect her d*ick as promised..

I woke up early on a Monday morning, I checked my time it’s 6: 00 in the so I quickly dressed up picked my credentials then took a bike.
I got to the school at exactly 7: 55 and then I proceed to the principal’s office I knocked and a young female voice answered.
I entered and met a lady probably at her early twenties I wonder how a lady so young became a principal.
I gave her my credentials without her looking at me.

Principal: so na your mama come here the other time??

I was really embarrassed but I just keep shut.
She said then looked up

Guess what??

Na Queen!!

[nextpage title=”episode 10″]
Episode 10

Me: Que.. Queen..

Lady:[confused] Queen??, If I may ask how did you know her.

Me: so you no be Queen??

Lady:[exhaled] first of all please we don’t tolerate pidgin in this school, and morever my name is Cynthia..

Me: no vex… Emm abeg sorry…

Cynthia: I can see you’re qualified for to be a teacher.
So, you can start right away… I will call the school prefect to take you to the staff room.

Me:[nodded] okay ma..

She made a simple call, then minutes later a girl emerged out of no where..

Cynthia: [angrily] are you so stupid to forget you have to knock??

Girl: madam no vex, Mike say em no fit come so I come represent em.

Cynthia: And when did you become the assistant school prefect?? Get out!!..

The girl was about going when she called her back..

Cynthia: what did you say your name is??

Girl: shey na me una dey talk to??

Cynthia: no your ancestors!!

Girl: well, my name na Sandra aka the only ogbonge fine girl for this school….

They seem to have forgotten me, I just sat down watching their drama I didn’t mind them coz my mind was Faraway how come this lady resemble Queen so much

Cynthia: shut up!! I asked you a simple question..
Well it’s not your fault here is Mr Marvellous he’s your new biology teacher..

Haha it’s accountancy I read in school how come am now a biology teacher??

Sandra: welcome Oga my name na Sandra aka the only…

Cynthia: shut up take him to the staff room..!!

We stood up and and was about to go out when Cynthia called me back..

Cynthia: Emm Mr.. I noticed the name Queen doesn’t seem to cease from your lips… well, I also have a twin sister whose name is Queen she died no quite long ago in which she died through a ghastly motor accident..
I hope you enjoy your stay here Mr Marvellous..

Those words seems like a long epistle to me..
It means Queen has a sister and Cynthia is definitely the one.
This Sandra of a girl kept talking which I replied with nods.

Sandra: welcome to our school ehn, I swear you go enjoy our school oo, Bros you no know say you too fine, no worry I go help you wash cloth clean house ehnn..

Me: Sandra where’s the ss3 block??

Sandra: haha you wan hurry go to class like that make I take una reach ur office fess naw.

I reasoned that so we kept walking.. she started her story again

Sandra: you see that winch wey call em seff principal ehn I no say she go soon fall for my trap.
She too dey run mouth too much..

One could easily conclude that Sandra is a jovial girl but saying that to their principal even in my presence no good at all..

Me: you know Sandra you should..

Sandra:[cuts in] abeg Bros talk better language wey I go understand coz this your grammar too dey pain me for body..

Me: okay wetin I dey try talk be say make you respect una principal..

Sandra: no worry bros.. leave dah geh matter…

We got to the staff room, luckily I found an empty seat, they said the woman who owns the seat just put to bed so I should manage it for the main time..
I settled down while Sandra left..
I scanned around the office and found out almost everyone in the room are ladies the guys are very few.
After some time I picked a biology textbook from the school almost castrated library then strolled down to the SS3 class.
The class was very noisy Asin noisy I tried my best in calming the atmosphere then did some introduction before starting from the beginning of the syllabus given to me, mid – way into the class I discovered they were all bookless[sorry for the English] I waved that off since it was my time with them then gen gen I asked a question..

Me: Class what’s a spirogyra??

Every where was dead silent I heaved a sigh of relief coz I have been trying my best to make the class look normal..
We all have been looking at ourselves since morning coz none of them talked..
Then I asked the same question again when a boy raised his hand up… Naso dem start to hail the boy oo.

Me: okay before you say anything introduce yourself to the class..

Boy: okay my name na Samson aka Sam the driller my paddys also call me samkoko and Sam scatter scatter.

Me:[smh] okay answer the question.

Boy: okay a si…pin…rohn…..gin….rah… is when a geh and a boy go to a hotel and do pakapaka then the thing dah come out of the boy cucumber na sironginrah…

Naso dem start to hail am again ooo.

Me: shut up!! dumb heads!

Well, before I corrected him I fess look into the textbook well well to avoid stories that touches the heart..
I finished the class and it wasn’t long before they rang the bell for closing..
I decided to cool my brain a little before I stood up and started walking home uttering a goodbye to my colleagues..
I walked passed the route that lead to the school gate when I heard groaning sounds..
My mind just dey tell [dey go, dey go E concern you??]
As I traced the voice laidis it led me to a deserted class.
MEHN that was when I saw students in uniform giving it to each other..
The girl just dey shout.

“Asssshhh, Fu*ck me oo, tear my toto make I no remember house pound me like say you dey pound yam!!

Oooooh God how I go take survive for this school eeh??

[nextpage title=”episode 11″]
Episode 11

Girl: Asssshhh give it to me Do..na..tus, oooooh shift my womb aaah! aah!!

Boy:[spank her ass] humm hmm!

Soon the kpakpa noise started getting thicker the boy is close to cli*max I guess..
I let them finish before I talked..

Me:[clears throat] make una Wehdon oo, when u suppose go house una dey do rubbish for here bah??

Donatus: [frowned] wetin una dey fine for here?? una no know una boundary again??

Me: [forming] okro tree fall untop una head??, so una no fit respect ur teacher again??

Donatus:[buckling his belt] shey una see me so I be student?? abi because I wear this sport wear wey una. call uniform Oya comot for here.

Me: Are you out of your senses?? or you’re dumb to realize both of you should be on your knees now??

Donatus: shey na me you dey follow speak fune??
Asay make u comot [point his finger to the door entrance]

Me: I said kneel down!

Donatus: I say make your comot!

Me: kneel down!

Donatus: comot!

The girl E dey straff just sat down watching the show when the boy suddenly called his crew.

Donatus:[raised his voice] emmmm shigo, shila, starboy make una show oo!

Then suddenly three guys came out through the window.

Boy 1: haha oga I think say una still dey ginger the geh nii

Boy 2: I sure say the Toto go sweet tire

Boy 3: tarrrh the thing go large like mad, I sure say the thing don turn to well..

They all laughed neglecting me, my brothers and sisters in the Lord I almost pee for body.
The girl one the other hand no dey shame at all she just dey smile any how like person wey one prisoner from Libya juss drill thinking em don hammer..

Donatus: I don finish with this public toilet before we get visitor wey we no invite [then they all turn to me]

Before I blink my eyes them don surround me..

Boy 2: E be like say this one na JJC oo em no know anything

Donatus: I don think am before buh I wan teach am lesson wey be say E no go dey stretch nose for wetin dem no call am.

Naso all of them start to off their shirt before E remain on one armless vest for their body I looked at the shirt Wella and found out they were the popular local cult dem be, they too dey notorious from the news I gathered Dem called themselves the fine boy group.
Mehn, I quickly kneel down, they gave me punishment oo I first start from frog jump, then stool down, chaii a whole me I don suffer! Then I changed to monkey pose.
They gave me the shock of my life when they told me to Fu*ck the girl, I refused at first but when I tasted the holy matrimony slap I quickly accepted chaii I turned to the girl when I saw her fingering her self the girl na public toilet true true I moved toward her, removed my di*ck from my trouser and plunged in to her pu*ssy the hole is a bit tight I knew she was one of those girl who use pus*sy tightening creams gawd!! the Toto too Sweet I even forgot I have tomentors behind me.

Girl: aissshh your thing too big asssh! E dey pepper me

I don’t even know the time they took a picture of us.
I lifted the girl on the only long bench and f—-d her with full vigor, I came not long panting the idiot girl started rubbing her cl*it again I quickly wore my trouser and picked my credentials I came with to the school this morning.

Donatus: so una Sabi Fu*ck like this??
Punishment also dey for fuc*king my babe Las las I did another round of punishment before I was released.

Before I left he said something..

Donatus: my name na Donatus aka Legendary!!
Na warning I give una..

I took a bike back home I payed the bikeman I no even bother to collect my change I went into the compound and walked straight to my room ignore all the greetings I even ignored Vicky.
I got into my room went straight to the bathroom and had my bath I came back and met my phone ringing it was shade so I ignored it.
I bounced on my bed to have a nap when a knock landed on my my door.

Me:[angrily] who be that idiot wey em generation don use em glory to the extent that E no know say the door dey cost pass em life..

Voice:[calmly] Na Legendary be this..

[nextpage title=”episode 12″]

– Episode 12

I quickly bounced down as I bounced on the bed and quickly open the door.

Me: welcome si…r s…ir s…i…r emm emm Legen…dary.

Legendary:[frowned] which sir your generation gimme??

Me: no vex si..r emm Legendary

Legendary:[smiled] see as you dey shake as bitter leaf wey comot for em tree, but una dey run mouth before naw

Me: dem no born me well make I talk again sir!

Legendary: idiot shey una no fit say mai enter??

Me:[opens the door widely] abeg enter..

I thought he came alone, I no know say em three idiots follow am.

Me: which drink una wan make I give the sir’s?

Boy 2: you carry cotton bud wey geh red oil for ear??
My name na starboy, no be sir na person wey wan die dem dey use sir for una hear?

Me:[nods] yes sir..r em starboy nor vex

Legendary: which kain drink una geh for house??

Me: I no geh drink for house buh I go help una go buy am

Legendary:[laughs] una wan run bah??
We nor want drink again

Starboy: na business we carry come here

Me: okay sir..r

Legendary: una nodey hear word em name na starboy no be sir!
Abi una wan kill am??

Starboy: we see say una brave well well I see as una dey challenge our Oga, so I see say una go dey perfect for 16/11

Although I no know the meaning I just shut up I no wan any punishment abeg..

Boy 1: and una don knack legendary toto, so una no go fit go laidat

Boy 3: coz anybody wey Fu*ck legendary toto we suppose kill am

My boxers don wet hey! shey na laidis I go die young??

Legendary: we don tell una so make una go think about am.
And before we comot my girl say em like una p—k so we carry am come if una no Fu*ck am well ehn! na die be dat oo

Na so the public toilet enter wearing one rubbish cloth laidat, infact no be cloth seff na rag coz na all emmm brea*St and p—y shape I dey see outside.

Legendary: make una enjoy una selves, emm grace!

Girl: abeg comot for here, make I enjoy this thing naw

Legendary: idiot I wan tell una say if em no do you well call me make I come finish am

Me: ah! abeg I never chop how I go take fu*ck am well??

Legendary: na your generation problem be that, no story..

Naso dem just pack themselves go outside

Me: emm ancestor grace abeg I never chop abeg

Grace:[frowned] your ancestors dey house, wetin be my own if una never chop?? abi una wan make I call dem back??

Me: ah! no, abeg I dey come

Grace: where una wan go??

Me: I wan go fine something chop.

Grace: no Tay oo!

I quickly go into my kitchen and ate the remaining rice that I left in the morning, the thing too cold I just manage am like that.
I went back and found the sl*ut fingering herself already I bounced on her and fuc*ked the hell out of her, I’ve unleashed the beast in me she just dey shout anyhow..

Me:[turned her to a missionary style] Ahh hmmmmmm..

The thing penetrated her deeply infact I felt like am hitting her womb, but I no care she go see wetin she want

Grace: ahh Abeg E don do ooo no vex ooo fu*ck me oo Ahh hit am hit am yeah yeah!
Eeeeeehhh lege…nd…ary come help me oo

naso my neighbors started shouting

Mama tope: Oga Marve no kill this geh oo you no say oga landlord talk say em no want criminal for em house??

Papa Anderson: Eeeeeehhh no kill person pikin oo

Vicky olosho: ah ah! oga Marve you wan kill am? My Toto never do you??
Na she be the reason why una no answer me bah??

Mama tope: Eeeeeehhh em don knack you??
I talk am you be ashawooo!

Naso the noise start oo before they all went to their room
I finished with grace before she carried her bag about to be going

Grace: ahh teacher una to dey fu*ck ago dey come una house everyday you see dah Donatus em no dey fu*ck reach una..

Me:[frowned] I no wan see una for here again

Grace: no dey tell me dah Kain thing oo coz na you own my toto naw na me own una p—k.
Nobody must chop wetin I dey chop you hear??

Me: and who tell you say I dey do trade by barta??

Grace: I don tell you my own, na small talk we dey tell small pikin if E reach em stomach em go turn big..

She carried her bag and left swaying her butt.
Before she opened the door she looked back and winked .
See the problem I carry myself enter coz of busybody Hay! and na my first day in school be this oo, this school na correct disaster!.

I laid on my bed when another knock landed on my door again.
I no bother to look am coz all the knock wey dey land on this idiot door dey land me for trouble..
The person no relent oo em just dey knock anyhow.

Me[frustrated] who be that?? Ahhhhhh!

Voice: na Queen!

Ooooo God! my village people why??
Which Queen be this one again??

[nextpage title=”episode 13″]
Episode 13

Me: Queen wetin be your own?? Queen Elizabeth or Que…

Voice: stop talking and open this door!

Me: make your generation come open the door naw
Abi which kain ghost be your own if una wan see me make una enter…

Voice: una don lock this door how I go take enter??

Me: I think say ghosts dey disappear?? disappear come enter.

Naso I hear rumbling sounds near my fridge, fear gripped me abi na Queen ghost true true??
I sat on the bed wait for the ghost of but the thing no show I stood up to check what’s happening until I saw one idiot rat laidis wey dey chop my bread no be only bread infact I no know how butter take enter the bread.

Voice: okay, okay na shade, abeg open this door my leg seff don dey pain me

Me: haha when Queen turn to shade??, Una do exchange of body??

Voice: Marvellous abeg open this door my legs are paining me naw

I opened the door and peep, na shade true true so I let her in

Me: why una wan gimme hypertension??

Shade: hyper wetin na you wan kill your self naw.
No be you dey follow Toto upandan?? after una don make another person pikin go visit baba God you kon dey do like crayfish wey no get lungs.

Me:[frowned] tarrrh! nodey talk dah kain thing again na me kill am??

Shade: oya Issokay I buy some foodstuffs when I dey come I wan go cook abeg.

As I hear that words ehn my head fly anno know as E dey do me for body E be like say I don dey fall for this girl.
She changed into a one of my shirts without any pant under, she cooked an egusi soup with garri wey we chop sha.
We showered and got on the bed I no waste time at all I quickly attacked her lips which she reciprocated, I bit her lower lips which made her moan into my mouth, I broke the kiss and gently removed her clothes. Then I started again by kissing her neck and traced it down to her belly button, then down to he pu*ssy I s—-d her already swollen cl*it and inserted two of my fingers in to her hole..

Shade: asssh hmmm yeah yeah ahhhhhh

I increased my pace, finger fu*cking her vigorously, which I was welcomed by her pu*ssy juice in return.
I nodey do mouth action so it’s her turn.
I’ve known shade before to be a good sucker, she took all my length into her mouth then remove it again she’ll took all the length again. I grabbed her hair with all my d!ck in her mouth then t—-t deep into her throat as she shaked and gasped air.

Shade: una wan kill me??

Me:[smiled] una no fit die finish

She took all my length again before I Know it I’ve started fu*cking her mouth.

Me: argggh am cominggggg

Suddenly she stopped, Chaii my head fly I’m about to cu*m when this idiot stop oo..

Me:[frowned] wetin dah one kon mean??

She said nothing and positioned her self in a do*ggy style I quickly got behind her and inserted length in.
I started with slow strokes before she talk.

Shade: gawwd fu*ck me hit me hard..

Me: your wish is my command

So I started pounding her hard.

Shade:[increased her voice] asssshhh E dey sweet me oo ahh E dey pepper me ooo asssh E dey pain me oo

I spanked her ass really hard that she winced underneath me. I changed the style to a missionary style and inserted my length this time my whole body shook in pleasure

Me: ahhhhhh you wan make I fu*ck una?, Una wan make I scatter your Toto??

Shade: yes yes fasterrrrr ahhh

I felt my c*um building up I increased my t—-t slamming into her I look down on her then to d*ick the way it entered her pu*ssy made my body shook once again before I started shooting deep into into her still f*ucking her.
I thought it won’t stop nii, my d*ick got deflated which made me roll away from her, as my body touch the bed laidis MEHN, I slept off.
I woke up to the serious bang on my door..
I look around for shade in my room but didn’t see maybe she’s in the kitchen I guess…

Me: who be that??

Voice: na Vicky oo, make una open this door naw naw.

Me: wetin una dey fine then this early morning??
Abeg comot for my door.

Vicky no hear ooo Naso she started banging the door that shade had to run out of the kitchen.

Shade: who be that??

Me: naso dem dey greet for una family??

She ignored me and and opened the door naso kasala burst.

Vicky: where she dey eeehn??
Coz I no understand why una bring two girls come home wey their ringtone too loud i no sleep seff.
Infact I must take my share too naso she start to off cloth oo
I look at Shade she just shake head and left comot to kitchen..

Eeeeeehhh my cup don full!

[nextpage title=”episode 14″]
Episode 14.

Me:[angrily] haha!! Vicky, una smoke paw paw leaf wey no ripe??

Vicky:[still lying down] nooo na mango leaf abeg, do quick quick make we do this thing jharey

Me: I don talk am, una nodey shame. Commot for for here ashawooo.

I knew that was too harsh but I said it so that she could change her mind but the idiot no stand up ooo

Vicky:[seductively] una know say I love you why una dey do me laikdis naw [standing up]

Me: do you like wetin?? abeg come dey go and yo…

The next thing I know is that Vicky hand don disappear enter my boxer, massaging my d*ck

Me:[moans] hmm hummm

She pushed me to the bed and mounted my d*ck, she rode me very fast that I even forgot say Shade dey my room.

Vicky: asssh ooo, this is why I love una p—k oooo

She rode me faster, making our flesh hitting each other very fast the kpa kpa sound dey maddd

Vicky: ah ah E dey sweet me to

Me: argggh am cumingggggg

Suddenly she went stiff her pu*ssy muscle grabbed my di*ck hard, before I knew it pu*ssy juice started running down my legs
Shes still going up and down, I picked myself from the bed and started pounding into her meeting her t—-t.

Vicky: ooooh my Toto dey on fire ooooo eeeeeehhh

I shoot my load deep inside her, and she collapsed on my chest.
I exhaled deeply before reality hit me, I quickly pushed her away picking my boxers from the floor

Me: Vicky get out of my room naw

Vicky:[frowned] wetin dah one kon mean?? as una dey see me so, I never ready to comot this room.

Me: so you wan try me bah??, I said get out!! [raised my voice]

Vicky: oooh na because of dah oshofree girl na hin you wan come chase me??

Me: wetin una talk naw naw??

Vicky: oshofr….

I no think am twice the kind of slap wey I give am eehn she quickly picked up her clothes and wear it

Vicky: [faced me] you see dah girl ehn I go show am pepper [she hissed and went out]

I sat down holding my head with both my hands..
Wetin I go tell shade now ehn??
I checked the time and saw that I was running late for work, I ignored Shade matter and have my bath, I got back to the room and met my food, I quickly got dressed and rushed the food I left some money for shade, let’s just say Transport Fare sha coz i thought she will leave today, the girl no wan gree comot for kitchen oo I took my teaching materials and left for school.

I arrived at the school a little bit late, coz their so called assembly don finish, I went to the staff room immediately I met only few of fellow corpers, I later knew that the rest have a class to attend.
I settled on my seat when Sandra barged into the office, she no even greet she juss walked straight to my seat chewing the gum in her mouth loudly.

Sandra: corper, corper. Corper shun, una just forget me abi??
No problem naw I juss come tell una say na you go teach us this morning

Then out of no where one of my colleague whom I knew as faith talk.

Faith: eehn?? haha madam Sandra when una start to dey call teacher?? Coz the Sandra wey I know no dey call teacher

Sandra: how dah one take concern you??

They lashed their selves small before Sandra left.
I took the biology textbook I picked from school library before I went to their class.
I’m not surprised when I found their class noisy.
I no mind them at all I just went to the board and started writing, I don write reach one side before one of the students talked

Boy: wetin this one dey write for board??

Naso all of the class face me oooo

Girl: I tire oo juss dey look as em enter like say na em ancestors own this place

Boy 2: abi Bros no fu*ck comot for house this morning

Naso them start to laugh even Sandra seff join them something dey tell me say make I go borrow cane and beat the hell out of them but who know maybe another gang dey wey dey notorious pass Legendary own, I was really embarrassed that I left the class without teaching them anything.

The day was a semi interesting coz the rest of my colleagues too no go class despite the fact that them get class.
I told them what happened earlier when they started laughing, saying that’s just the beginning I never see anything.

I thought Legendary and his crew won’t let me rest in school but none of that happened I was really happy coz I didn’t see Grace too.
I don’t think those guys are students seff I wanted to ask the others but I juss shut up.
Walls get ear no body holy…

The school closed for the day, I hurriedly left the school premises to avoid stories that touches the heart…
I got home and greeted anybody wey I see, I noticed the long stares they all were shooting at me, I ignored them and walked to my room, I was surprised when I saw my door open.
I opened the door to meet my room scattered everything was in disarray, my head spin fess.
I walked into the room to meet Shade and Vicky in a combat.

Me: wetin dey happen for here??

They stopped fighting and started walking towards me like a controlled PES player.

Then gbosaaaaaa one thunder mixed slap land me for bed.

Abeg if you know where them dey sell wheel chair, biko tell me.
Coz only the slap alone I’ve started seeing my ancestors playing football……

[nextpage title=”episode 15″]
Episode 15…

Shade:[forming queen kong] despite the fact say I love una, una still dey follow Toto anyhow, shey Queen matter never do you??

Tho I felt guilty, but I won’t just let her insult me laikdat.

Me:[frowned, still holding my cheeks] wetin dah one mean??
Coz I allow you come here no mean say you go dey harras me anyhow [standing up]

Vicky:[clapping her hands] una still dey talk bah??
E be like say the slap wey I tear una never reset una brain??

I quickly shut up, I don know Vicky tey tey as a street fighter, infact her fighting skill is natural.
Buh you see Shade ehnn??
Her fighting skills is proudly sponsored by pulling d*cks..
Aahh the day Shade pulled my di*ck na dah day I know why Lazarus betrayed Jesus.
The day I offend her laikdis she no waste time na my di*ck she fess pull.
Since dah day ehnn, whenever I knew she’s aiming for my crotch area I’ll quickly protect it with my hands I yaff nor born abeg..

Vicky: emm no know, than to dey tear any toto wey emm see, rubbish. if them born una mama well mai see you put dah thing inside any hole again

Na dah her statement make me vex oo, dah small words

Me: come una dey craze nii abi wetin??
Oya the two of una comot for my room na na.

Vicky: una still de…

Me:[yelled] I say get out!

The both of them were frightened and suprised, I knew that coz of their facial expression…
They juss jejely carry themselves out.

I quickly arranged my room and went into the bathroom and have my bath, dah slap wey Shade gimme too much, my cheek juss dey vibrate by emm seff.

I wore a new pair of cloth and went into my kitchen to meet my food well served at least she don cook before the Mayweather spirit enter em body.
I tossed a stool to my front and placed the food on it I was about to about to give the food the beating of its life when I heard people shouting and hailing someone outside I wan go look buh when I remember the Legendary incident I kuku face my food the way I ate the food ehn you go think say I never chop for hundred years.
I finished the food and washed it I was about to lie down when I heard Vicky’s name I quickly stood up and went out.
And behold Shade and Vicky dey thrash themselves.

Emeka too much money: yeah yeah! I trust you Vicky baby beat the stranger, she came to play an away game I’m going to spray you money

I just watch as the idiot dey speak fune, wey eemm generation no teach am.

Corper Florish: Abeg no kill am naw, Vickyyyyy ooo

Ngozi: so Vicky fit fight laikdis

Mama tope: ahhhhhh thank God say I quickly come house today I for no watch this life match

Papa Anderson: Yeah yeah it’s Vicky FC and Stranger FC .
YEAH YEAH Vicky FC is leading

Ngozi: mama Tope mai see the match clearly naw!!

Mama Tope: una no get respect?? na me you dey follow talk laidat??

Ngozi: wetin you wan do??

Naso dem start their own mortal Kombat season 2

Infact the compound don turn to cinema even people wey dey down the street seff come watch showdown.

I quickly separated Shade and Vicky.

Shade: you come tell me say make we bone face for my boyfriend you come dey tell me say you love emm amadioha strike you there.

Vicky: tarrrh! ooooo so you think say I dey joke when I tell una say I go show you pepper una never see something oo.

Buh wait ooo if Dem plan say dey wan bone face for me make them land me for hospital why Dem dey fight when I reach house??

Well dah one na their problem I separated them before Shade left but not with threats Vicky too left for her room before everyone started leaving.

I went in and took my wallet, am running out of cash, so I went to the bet9ja shop.
I hail my niggas as usual before I go carry game.
Luck shine on me when I carried the first game, second and third game.
MEHN result cane out I won everything I went there with just 500naira and I’m having almost 30k in my wallet
My niggas have started hailing my I don dey feel fly.
Untill when a stupid friend of mine say my come carry live matches I see that as an opportunity to make more cash coz their odds dey good.
The first match finish, boom I loose 1k another match finish I look another 1k.
I loose almost all the money I won, 30k don remain 5k and those stupid niggas of mine still dey tell me say make I samah dem 2k.
I quickly find my way home before them go spoil market for me.

I got home and walked to my door only to see some figures standing before my door.
I walked closer to them and saw them.
Na Legendary and his crew.

Legendary:[smiled] hmmmm teacher, teacher…

[nextpage title=”episode 16″]
Episode 16.

Legendary – [smiled] teacher, teacher. I no come here to do any familiarity na answer I come collect.

Me: abe..g make w…e w…e go in.. inside…de fess naw

Legendary:[thundered] I say I want my answer naw naw

Me:[crying] abeg na only my Mana I get abeggg

Legendary: how dah one take consine me? see ehn dey get ready we geh one place wey we go go tommorow shey you grab??

Me:[nodded] I go tr…y

Legendary: na you sabi dah one I juss come tell you shikena!

I watched them as they all walk away, I just stand laikdat thinking why my life is so complicated right now.
I’ve been jobless for years, now we be say I don dey find job to the extent that I was tagged with the name jobless handsome.
Now that I’ve found a job na wahala upon wahala.

[Up next on Jëllöf Writes, THE CEO IS HER BODYGUARD]

I looked around to see if anyone is watching coz I no trust all this our community reporters their joblessness carry degree for hand.

I went into my room and settled down E no tey before them bring light I thank baba God oo E remain small before we see hen yanshh.

The normal Up Nepa slogan rented the air so I went into the bathroom and took a cool and refreshing bath, I wore a simple cloth and went outside to pulp the water.
I walked into my room again before I heard knocks they no even wait for me before they came inside na my best friends E don tey wey we gather roll.

Simon: ahhhhhh guy man! Una just forget person

Me: abeg no vex jharey

Paul: no mind an emm don become teacher emm go dey do levels naa

Me: ahhhhhh no be laikdat oo ah swear.

I quickly went out and bought them chilled drinks.
We have fun oo and rewind our past sha.
Then gbammm the legendary matter popped into my medullar oblagantar [abeg lemme E dey do laik say make I dropped a banger]

Me: emm Timo, Paul and Simon I have a problem

Timo: this one wey you dey speak grammar hope say una ancestors no swallow Cutlass again??

Me: ah ah no reasyam laikdat they matter hard gan oo

Paul: Oya fire…

I explained everything to them level by level grade by grade

Timo: so na Toto and busybody carry you for problem

Simon:[breaks silence] but wait Marve when you start to dey do this kind sh*it naw??

Me: wetin I dey talk wetin you dey talk?? na solution I need, no be lashing…

Timo: no yawa naw we go find solution no fear.

We talk talk and talk like say tomorrow nodey before they left…

I got to school the next day to see a new face in the staff room, I later new it was the woman who gave birth.
So I packed my belongings and share a seat with one of the female corper the seat can take up to 4 people sha so I was was comfortable.
I arranged myself before I knew I was in the midst of ladies…
The corper I share seat with is a very beautiful lady with an oval face and a full lips her body structure dey mind blowing… Well, her name is purity sha…
I relaxed and was chatting with her when another corper came , we chatted about so many things, I never knew they thought I was a corper as well which I declined.
I told them about my University days, my stay in camp and others when the conversation turned.

Corper faith: Bros you know say fine well well

Me: thanks

I replied faintly I no want another wahala.

Faith: ah swear I no care if you can be my boyfr…

Purity: shut up Fai..th

Faith: hey lagos color warn una seff oo

Corper Lucy: who know like better thing??
Abeg make the two of in shut up jhoor na me fit the fine nigga…

Purity: shut up dia, see who no like better thing to

Then boooom Sandra burst enter out of nowhere she no greet at all she just waka come my side the next thing I know is that I felt her arse on my laps…
The corpers were just looking like a decade mumu

Purity, Faith, Lucy: Sandra!!

Sandra: wetin do all of una?? you swallow your village people microphone??

Ghen! Ghen!!

[nextpage title=”episode 17″]
Episode 17

Me: Sandra, wetin all this rubbish mean naw??

Sandra:[grind her arse on my crotch area] wetin una think say E mean??

Me: stand up abegi!

Sandra: [licked her lips] you wan make I stand up but una no push me, you wan make I stand up but una p—k don dey sta…

Me: shut up and stand up.

Truly my di*ck have stand at attention, but with the way I yelled the thing juss bow down.
As E bow down laikdis em just boost my Mora…

Sandra: huncle why una dey do laik 1day pikin ehnnn??

Me: [pushed her] I said get up did you?? now out!

Sandra:[crying] na me una push laikdat, no worry I go show una…

She got up and stormed out, I looked at the other corpers they had an expression less face, except Lucy wey dey smile like restaurant rat

Lucy: correct Oga Marve, correct I like how you do am

Purity: eeehya, Lucy shey una know say na first time I meet una I don know say nothing dey una brain box

Faith: kai purity na true talk be dat, this babe na crayfish brain dey em head

Purity: come, E be like say un no know the girl??

Faith: help me ask am so

Lucy: hey hey hey em don do abeg no do landlord meeting Untop my head

Faith: shuu, na who off generator wey dey shine

Purity: na Lucy oo!

I stood up and went to Sandra’s class to look for her but I was told that she left class few minutes ago.
I hope say I have not match snake tail sha, coz every new day for me na brand new wahala…

I left school to prepare for Legendary, but E be laiksay dem dey follow me from school.
Them no let me dress at all them juss dey rush me say make I do qui qui.
I followed them and we land for one uncompleted building the place too dey deserted, infact one could easily talk say my ancestors wey don die dey come here to play tennis.
Coz one human being laikdis I no see.
We entered the building and we met few more people.
They introduced me to the rest and we all sat down.
Out of nowhere na so one rugged guy enter infact if una no look am well una go think say em don dey mad since 1601.
Them hail am small before em unpack his bag MEHN different kind of guns axe and knife na em dey there.

I shook immediately, them caution me while I quickly hol body I cannor comman die young.
They shared one black cloth between themselves them give me one sha, but the smell dey dey the cloth body fit kill one grown agric fowl.
We wait a little before we swing into action.
It’s one chief house, the man geh money buh na original mopol em too dey stingy.
The position wey we catch am seff gann, em dey knack em wife while dah idiot too dey shout like hausa cow.
I wonder how em dey enjoy am seff.

We do our job and moved out of the house we no walk reach 5 metres when we heard HOLLANDIA!

And this na my first time oooo

Baba God why me??

[nextpage title=”episode 18 the last”]
Episode 18

At first we’re all transfixed to a spot, but how this niggas geh liver na him I no know.

Officer 1 – Asay iffuna move I go fire una head!

Legendary – come Oga una no dey see face, make we go one corner go reason matter now

Officer 2 – as una dey see us so, we be criminal??

Starboy: Oga forget dah one money dey how much una want

Officer 2 – shut up! Infact you’re under arrest!

Legendary:[pulls out bundles of money] Oga take this one hol body

Officer 1:[shakes head] na from your generation corruption take start.

Na so legendary pull out another bundles of money to
Those nonsense officers too yaff fall immediately

We were released and we walked away, we walked few meters from them when different kinds on police van came to
My brothers and sisters in the Lord kon see relay race infact all of us just scatter enter bush.
And Glory be to God na my hand the money dey.

I ran as fast as my legs can carry me till I found myself in another road, I ask the passersby and knew am not far from house just 50naira bike, I got home and freshened up
I quickly hid the band under my wardrobe to avoid stories that will touch the heart, I jumped on my bed and and vooom sleep carry me.

I decided no to go to the next day and take a rest I slept, ate and watch movies, I got many calls from all those school mumus wey dem call their selves my school wife wey I no marry, as I see say Dem no wan relent laikdis I just off my phone straight…

I went out to receive some fresh air when I heard the new of Legendary and his crew been arrested.
Infact dem still talk say Grace do abortion, na the thing kill am.
Well my stomach juss dey dance for joy, I’ll have my freedom and I’ll also spend cool cash

After a week I went by to school to see everywhere normal.
But not without madam Cynthia interrogations.

I was free like ehn!
I juss dey happy

Sandra came back to school look fu*ckable but the babe juss dey neglect me.
After some weeks I later knack am sha infact na for inside school we do am…

I gnash Sandra no reach two days before I knew say na Legendary babe infact dem say their parents don dey do preparation for them Dem wan make them finish secondary school

This village people shaaa!

I was in the staff room one day when I heard some fast rising noise.

Legendary is back!


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