Thanks to my mother, Mrs Ladidi who taught me to be a woman of pride and dignity. It will be difficult for many to believe I was still a virgin even after my university education. My mother was that strict woman who must not see you with any man. She made us believed you can never be respected by your husband if he meets your disvirgined. So I did everything in my wisdom and strength to keep my virginity all through my secondary school and university days. There were series of temptations and narrow escapes but it was not easy.
Danjuma was my first love, we met while I was in SSS 2. He was a good guy except that he wanted me to prove my love for him by sleeping with him. I had told him from the onset of our relationship that *this is everything minus sex* and he agreed. We dated for three years, but it was three years of agony and pain. In our three years of dating, he attempted raping me six times but was unsuccessful.
I will never forget the last attempt, he had succeeded in tearing my pant and I had made up my mind to let him into my body but he lost erection after all the struggle to get me down. That was how I escaped the sixth attempt. You must be thinking why I had not walked away after the second or the third attempt, I myself can’t tell why I couldn’t walk away.
All my friends knew I was still a virgin and the only virgin among our clique. Severally they had arranged some boys to get me disvirgined but I was smarter than them. I had a strong intuition to know when they drugged my food or drinks just to get at me. Some of them thought I was a witch but I wasn’t. They intentionally discussed how sweet sex was while I was with them to make me change my mind but I was resolute – my mother’s words are more stronger than theirs. I want to be a woman of pride and dignity. I will keep my virginity for my husband no matter the cost.
My second boyfriend was not as aggressive as Danjuma, he was calmer and respected my decision with the hope that he will eventually be that husband to break the cistern. Our love for each other was enviable. We were like the Romeo and Juliet of our time. In all our times together he never tried to force me to sleep with him except on two occasions when were lost in lust for each other. We almost could not resist each other as we both caressed each other like two love birds. He looked at my face, I looked at his and remembered my covenant, “I will keep my virginity for my husband”. Something within me said, “but Dan will marry you, there’s no difference if he does it now or later.” I quickly rejected that voice and disengaged from his arms and took my leave. These were not easy decisions anyway. Even though he had never complained, putting him in the mood and leaving him in that manner gave me a lot of concern and worry.
I shared my experience with Jumai and she felt I was wicked. ‘A man who has given you everything you wanted in life, he has provided your material needs, given you time and affection, etc, what else can you give him as a pay back or appreciation for all his gestures?’ She asked me. Jumai made me feel indebted to Daniel and I couldn’t sleep all through the night because of her words. I woke up at about 2am that night and I was overwhelmed with the thought of Daniel. In reality there’s nothing Daniel hasn’t done to make me happy, there’s nothing I give him that will be too much for his love towards me, not even my virginity. Immediately I decided that moment to give it to him. I picked my phone and sent him a text message, “I will be coming to your place tomorrow”. He replied after 23 minutes, “it’s ok, I will be expecting you”. I was eager to meet with Daniel so he can make me feel like a woman for the first time. The clock became slow for my liking.
Because of what people will say, I waited till 10am before going to his house. The moment I entered, he knew I was up to something, my face said it all, my actions spelt it better but Daniel is a rare gem. He reminded me of my covenant, the words of my mother to me. ‘Will you break your covenant for five minutes enjoyment?’ He asked me. I was ashamed of myself, I could not look straight into his eyes again. He picked up my pant and wore them on me himself. We will do this when we are married, he said. Tears of mixed feelings dropped down my cheeks. ‘Daniel I love you.’ ‘Maryam I love you more.’ We hugged each other and he led me to the door.