[STORY] have s*x with me it I die (episode 1-12)

Part One*

Thanks to my mother, Mrs Ladidi who taught me to be a woman of pride and dignity. It will be difficult for many to believe I was still a virgin even after my university education. My mother was that strict woman who must not see you with any man. She made us believed you can never be respected by your husband if he meets your disvirgined. So I did everything in my wisdom and strength to keep my virginity all through my secondary school and university days. There were series of temptations and narrow escapes but it was not easy.

Danjuma was my first love, we met while I was in SSS 2. He was a good guy except that he wanted me to prove my love for him by sleeping with him. I had told him from the onset of our relationship that *this is everything minus sex* and he agreed. We dated for three years, but it was three years of agony and pain. In our three years of dating, he attempted raping me six times but was unsuccessful.

I will never forget the last attempt, he had succeeded in tearing my pant and I had made up my mind to let him into my body but he lost erection after all the struggle to get me down. That was how I escaped the sixth attempt. You must be thinking why I had not walked away after the second or the third attempt, I myself can’t tell why I couldn’t walk away.

All my friends knew I was still a virgin and the only virgin among our clique. Severally they had arranged some boys to get me disvirgined but I was smarter than them. I had a strong intuition to know when they drugged my food or drinks just to get at me. Some of them thought I was a witch but I wasn’t. They intentionally discussed how sweet sex was while I was with them to make me change my mind but I was resolute – my mother’s words are more stronger than theirs. I want to be a woman of pride and dignity. I will keep my virginity for my husband no matter the cost.

My second boyfriend was not as aggressive as Danjuma, he was calmer and respected my decision with the hope that he will eventually be that husband to break the cistern. Our love for each other was enviable. We were like the Romeo and Juliet of our time. In all our times together he never tried to force me to sleep with him except on two occasions when were lost in lust for each other. We almost could not resist each other as we both caressed each other like two love birds. He looked at my face, I looked at his and remembered my covenant, “I will keep my virginity for my husband”. Something within me said, “but Dan will marry you, there’s no difference if he does it now or later.” I quickly rejected that voice and disengaged from his arms and took my leave. These were not easy decisions anyway. Even though he had never complained, putting him in the mood and leaving him in that manner gave me a lot of concern and worry.

I shared my experience with Jumai and she felt I was wicked. ‘A man who has given you everything you wanted in life, he has provided your material needs, given you time and affection, etc, what else can you give him as a pay back or appreciation for all his gestures?’ She asked me. Jumai made me feel indebted to Daniel and I couldn’t sleep all through the night because of her words. I woke up at about 2am that night and I was overwhelmed with the thought of Daniel. In reality there’s nothing Daniel hasn’t done to make me happy, there’s nothing I give him that will be too much for his love towards me, not even my virginity. Immediately I decided that moment to give it to him. I picked my phone and sent him a text message, “I will be coming to your place tomorrow”. He replied after 23 minutes, “it’s ok, I will be expecting you”. I was eager to meet with Daniel so he can make me feel like a woman for the first time. The clock became slow for my liking.

Because of what people will say, I waited till 10am before going to his house. The moment I entered, he knew I was up to something, my face said it all, my actions spelt it better but Daniel is a rare gem. He reminded me of my covenant, the words of my mother to me. ‘Will you break your covenant for five minutes enjoyment?’ He asked me. I was ashamed of myself, I could not look straight into his eyes again. He picked up my pant and wore them on me himself. We will do this when we are married, he said. Tears of mixed feelings dropped down my cheeks. ‘Daniel I love you.’ ‘Maryam I love you more.’ We hugged each other and he led me to the door.

[nextpage title=”episode 2″]
Part Two*

I got admission into Bayero University Kano(BUK) to study Mass Communication – a four year course. My departure from Daniel was painful but it was expedient. My first three months in school was like I was in another world without Daniel. My loneliness didn’t last for too long before I met Sally. Sally was a very brilliant student, charming and lovely. She was one of the best students in my class. We got attracted to each other because of her humility and simplicity. I have never seen a lady so brilliant and pretty and still humble the way Sally was. The only problem with my friend is that she doesn’t know how to say no to proposals from guys. I became her saviour when I came into her life, as I had to help her turn down some casual proposals from some casual guys. Guys were flocking around her because she had what it takes for any man to want to die for her. Before I met her, she had already dated two guys in the same department just barely four months after entering into school.

When our first semester result was released Sally had one of the highest GPA, only one guy was ahead of her. The result made Sally more popular than before. Our friendship was cut short by the semester’s break that lasted for about a month. By the time we resumed for the second semester, we agreed to live together off campus. We took a room apartment outside the campus and life began on a new note. How Sally was able to combine her academic work together with her numerous male friends and still came out with strong 2.1 still remains a mystery. I knew I could not compare myself with Sally if I have to graduate from the school. I concentrated on my books while Sally gave better of her times to men.

Before we finished second semester, Sally had already had two D&Cs, while I was still a virgin. All these never affected her grades or performance in school. Sally never stayed with a guy for more than two months. She changed them like clothes and shoes. She came back home one day drunk and almost half naked. ‘Sally where are you coming from?’ I asked, but she did not reply a word. She managed to get herself into the bathroom for a shower. I joined her in the bathroom to know what had happened to my friend. Her hair, her torn pants and stains all over her body made me to deduce that my friend had been drugged and raped. Who did this to you Sally? I asked, she never altered a word to tell me what had happened to her but it was obvious.

I became afraid of Sally because of her proscumity and waywardness. I was afraid she was going to contact an incurable disease someday as she jumped from one guy to the other. Lecturers were not spared by Sally. She was also good at snatching people’s boyfriends. By the time we got to 300level I made up my mind not to stay together with Sally again because of her lifestyle but she won’t let me leave. ‘You’re the only true friend I have in this campus, you still tell me the truth even when I am not taking your advice. What will now be of me if people like you are no longer in my life to help correct my excesses?’ She said to me when I broke the news to her of my intention to stay on my own that semester. Her words touched me and I gave my conditions if I have to stay together with her. ‘Condition one is that you must not have two boyfriends at a time. Condition two is that you must always follow me to the church anytime I am going.’ She crossed her heart and accepted my conditions, so I stayed back.

Sally kept to the deal for just three weeks and went back to her lifestyle. My heart was broken because she will be going for another abortion by the weekend, this will be the 5th abortion she will be doing in three years. I began to fear for her future, how will she be able to give birth when she’s married? I asked myself. This last abortion was not funny as she bled for almost two weeks after. Sally almost died but we couldn’t seek help because we couldn’t tell people she just had an abortion. I thought this experience will teach her a lesson but I was wrong. She seemed to be wilder after that incidence.

‘ Sally! We’ve got a special guest pastor from Lagos. He has been around for the past two days and today is the last day he will be with us, I will like you to come with me to the church to be part of the blessing of today. I will go with you if you will promise me we will close or I can leave by 7pm because I have an important appointment by 7:30pm. I quickly accepted her condition, at least she will be in the church. The guest speaker hadn’t even started his sermon when Sally looked into my eyes. Of course I knew what that meant. Before I could say anything she had picked her bag and was gone. I tried to see her off but she was in hurry so I let her be. I got home by 9:05 and met Sally with two guys on our bed.

[nextpage title=”episode 3″]
Part Three*

We graduated on the 18th September and it was celebration galore. I went back to Abuja to my parents to await my NYSC posting while Sally decided to stay back in Kano because she was offered a teaching job in one of the best private schools in Kano. It was the custom of the school to seek for the best graduating students in the University to offer a job with tempting pay. Sally though wasn’t the best student in our department but she was one of the best, she was preferred because she is from the north and could speak Hausa very well. She worked with the school for seven months when our posting came. The school owner has solid influence in the University and could influence Sally’s posting. Sally was posted to Kano after the school proprietor had pressed his buttons. You can’t imagine how much a private school was paying Sally, a semi graduate. We later learnt the school proprietor could spend fortune on his English and Mathematics teachers. When I came to collect my result, I spent three days with Sally in her one room self-contained apartment. Her lifestyle was now more terrible than when we were in school.

I was posted to Lokoja for my Youth service. By that time, Daniel was already engaged with a girl he impregnated. I was disappointed but he explained everything to me and apologized for betraying me. His mother wanted him to marry the girl instead of waiting for me to complete my education. Unfortunately, we had two strikes that extended our stay in school beyond four years. He tried to resist the girl but his mother connived with the girl and played smart on him. I was sorry for him because I know he’s not the tough type. That was the end of my journey with Daniel. It was a bit painful because I had turned down all proposals from all the guys I met in school because of Daniel. I moved on with my life as I reported to Lokoja for my Youth service program.

At Lokoja, I met an Ebira guy, Omeiza by name. He was just the perfect guy I could have something serious with. He works with Kogi State ministry of finance, a Christian per excellence. He lived in a well furnished two bedroom apartment and he was relatively comfortable. His salary was not much but he was from a royal family and his father willed some of his properties in and outside Lokoja to him before he died. He had just two brothers, one lived in the US while the other is an officer in the Nigerian Army. I met Omeiza through a friend in our church. I called her my friend because we were both in the church choir together.

Omeiza did not let me feel the vacuum created by Daniel. He was all over me all through my service year in Lokoja. ‘Maryam, you will be completing your service in a month’s time, I will like you to take me to your parents next week. I have also concluded arrangements to take you to my people this weekend,’ he said. I was perplexed, I had never introduced anyone to my parents as my man, how will I do this? What will I tell Mrs Ladidi, the iron lady? I began to rehearse how I will tell my mom that I now had a fiance.

I called Sally to advice me on how to present it to my parents that I was bringing my boyfriend to the house when she broke the news to me. ‘Maryam my wedding will be coming up in July and you’re gonna be my chief bride maid.’ July 4th was our proposed date with Omeiza but I didn’t bother to tell her on phone. I was happy for my friend that she will be settling down at last. We talked at length about the guy, the wedding and lots more. Immediately she dropped the call I remembered all the abortions Sally had done, would she be able to get pregnant again especially with the last experience? I really feared for her. I told Omeiza about Sally and her wedding plans, so we shifted ours to a further date in September in order to provide the needed support for my friend’s wedding.

After the lecture from Sally on how to present my boyfriend to my parents, I called my mom and repeated almost word to word everything Sally told me to my mom with a shaky voice. Sincerely I was shocked at my mom’s response, I was expecting a shout like usual but this time it was different. The salutation was different, her voice was cooler, her words of praises gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing. This was the first time I had the guts to talk to my mom about a man. I was expecting her to say “make sure he doesn’t touch you” or “you must not allow him see your pant” as usual but I was disappointed. She was happy and promised to tell my dad about our proposed visit.

We first traveled to Okene to see his family. Their house was big, what do you expect from a royal family? Everyone accepted me, his aged mother made me sit on her laps like a baby, wow I felt like a princess for the two days we stayed in Okene. It was like we already married, his people were lovely and hospitable. We all went to church on Sunday in the family Sienna car, his mother, two cousin sisters and myself sitting in front of the car with Omeiza like the queen of Ohinohi, hahaha. We left Okene very early in the morning on Monday to report directly to our places of work. Okene to Lokoja was less than an hour drive. When we arrived Lokoja I was thinking of how we will pass the night in my house, our house in Abuja isn’t as big as Omeiza’s house in Okene where I had a whole big room to myself. The thought of how to pass the night in Abuja with Omeiza became my major problem.

We left for Abuja on Friday afternoon. On arrival my mom was all over him, ‘my son that, my son this.’ She barely had time for me. He was led to the dinning table and my mom served my boyfriend a sumptuous meal, this is unbelievable. Mrs Ladidi had changed. I couldn’t comprehend her sudden change for quite a while. Immediately after the dinner, I began to think about where to sleep. My mom had everything planned out without me knowing. She had asked my sisters to moved their things temporarily to her room, the same room she shared with my dad. Maryam, let my son go and rest as she pointed to the other room, of course there are only two rooms. The second room was our room but the arrangement was amazing this time. The two of us were to use the room while my two sisters use the sitting room. How can my mom trust me and a man inside a room all the night after all her teachings? I was not comfortable with the arrangement so I led Omeiza to the room and joined my sisters at the sitting room. She came out at about 10:30pm and saw me at the sitting room with my sisters and almost got angry, you left only him in the room? She asked angrily. I couldn’t say a word but quickly joined him in the room.

[nextpage title=”episode 4″]
Part Four*

I had to take two weeks break from work to be with Sally for her wedding preparations. We planned and executed every bit of her wedding decisions together. The wedding was okay because Sally’s husband worked with an oil company in Porthacourt; and with a fat salary, they could afford everything they wanted for the wedding. He had come for a two-week official assignment in Kano where he met with Sally. I felt for him considering the past life of my friend. Will she be able to give him a child at all? This was my thought all through the wedding. The wedding ended and I took off on Monday morning back to Lokoja.

My wedding was in a month’s time, and I needed to put myself together so that I can be strong enough to go through the stress. I was shocked to my bones when Sally told me she won’t be coming for my wedding. ‘Why won’t you attend my wedding after all I went through to make yours a success?’ I protested. How can she be absent at my wedding? ‘No way, Sally I know you are joking,’ I said, laughing over the phone. ‘Maryam you won’t understand.’ she said. ‘On my wedding day, I was already two months pregnant and the doctor had advised me not to engage in strenuous activities in my first trimester.’ ‘Sally, you are what?’ I asked in surprise. It was a mixed feelings for me, I was happy she was pregnant and also unhappy she won’t make it to my wedding.

But how could she be pregnant? after the last abortion the doctor told her that her chances of getting pregnant within the next five years is less than 7%. I would have ascribed this to a miracle but Sally was the least to enjoy God’s grace. I was happy for her, my fears had been taken away. But many questions ran through my mind; does God show mercy on unrepentant persons? To the best of knowledge, Sally is still a chronic sinner. Three of her boyfriends still sent her money while I was with her in the build up to her wedding. I was aware she still went to see Alhaji Ado in his hotel room four days to her wedding. I concluded, “His ways are not our ways” and left the matter at that.

I began to plan for my own wedding as the day drew near. Sally and her husband sent me N300,000 to support my wedding plans. Three days to the D day I became feverish for thoughts and fears of sleeping with a man for the first time. I was told the first experience is not always funny especially at my age. I became so weak that I was taken to the hospital where I was given two drips before I was discharged. Everything went well, my mom was proud of me marrying at 29 as a virgin.

My mom had taught me everything I needed to know and do as a new bride. On our first night together as husband and wife, my husband could not believe I was still a virgin when he couldn’t penetrate me. I had never told him I was a virgin either. After much struggle without success, he took a break and went downstairs as if he was going to buy something but I saw him making a call. He must have called a friend to narrate his experience. He came back after about 30 minutes with smile all over his face. Maryam, you are still a virgin? I smiled, I was proud of myself and my mom. My dream to give my virginity to my husband had finally come to reality. This time he knew what to do, he must have been taught from the phone conversation he had. That night he made a lot of promises to me including buying me a car.

Been with Omeiza for one week without interruption from work and families was the best thing that ever happened to me. We gisted, played games, watched movies, ate and slept all through the week. We could go a whole day without seeing the sun, it was fun, fun and more fun. I knew I won’t escape been pregnant after a two week continuous sexual intercourse. One month after I started feeling funny in my body, of course I needed no laboratory test to know what was going on in my system. I was so weak that my husband will have to close on time from work to help me do some house chores. ‘You need to see the doctor,’ Omeiza pleaded. ‘I will see the doctor at the right time, I will be fine,’ I assured him.

[nextpage title=”episode 5″]
Part Five*

I was very optimistic and calculative. I saw my period last on the 16th of July, this is 2nd September, I didn’t need any test to know I was pregnant with the changes in my body. I started acting drama for my husband. He gradually does everything in the house without complaining, “my dear just sleep and I will do everything for you”, that became Omeiza’s slogan. But he was bent on taking me to the hospital for a test. After mounting pressure on me? I succumbed just for him to let me be. I took my birth that morning and got to the hospital early just to please my husband and clear his doubt about my condition. I was number four on the queue waiting to be attended to. All the three women ahead of me came out of the laboratory with a smile and a white envelope in their hands. An elder cleaner and a staff of the hospital positioned herself by the entrance to the hospital laboratory who will always smile at women coming out of the maternity laboratory with a congratulatory greetings. ‘Congratulations madam”, she repeated to the first three women who went in before me as they came out smiling.

It was my turn to go in, I had planned within me how I will change my steps when coming out with my white envelope. I love the old woman and I planned to hug her when she will be telling me “congratulations madam”. All the three women who went in before me spent between fifteen to twenty minutes and they were out. Forty minutes after I entered, the lab technician was yet to give me my result. I saw him going over the same process again and I knew something was wrong. Just a minute madam, he requested like three times. I became unnecessarily agitated and worried. Why is my own test taken so long? Has he discovered something else different from pregnancy in the test? What could be wrong? I thought of many things including being HIV positive. Even if I was HIV positive it must be from a different source and not sex.

He finally handed over the envelope to me but mine was a brown envelope. All those who had come out before me were given white envelope, why is mine brown? I queried my mind. I was expecting him to say something but he handed over the envelope to me and continued his work as if I was no longer in the lab. I waited for about two minutes, expecting him to say something but he said nothing. Oga what is in the result? I asked him. He was not polite at all when he told me “madam the result is negative”. I quickly asked meaning what? As if I don’t understand what he meant. ‘Madam you are not pregnant’, he said carelessly. My whole body system changed immediately. Is this man sane? Is he a professional at all? ‘How can you tell me I am not pregnant after missing my period for more than twenty days. I have been having unprotected sex more than a month now. This can’t be true, I will go elsewhere to redo this test.’ I replied angrily. As I was about carrying my handbag I remembered the old cleaner at the reception and how I will face her with my brown envelope. I quickly squeezed the envelope into my bag.

When I opened the door of the lab my legs were missing target as all other women seated turned at me with the old woman looking already pitiful. I felt like entering the ground that day, nobody told me congratulations like other women who came in before me. I looked at the old woman and tears dropped down my cheeks. She held me and whispered to me, “God will do it”. I quickly rushed out of the scene to avoid more pity from the waiting women.

On my way to another clinic to prove the test wrong I felt a wetness in my pant. I stylishly put in my hand, it was blood, my menses just came. I told the taxi driver I wanted to drop, madam you no dey go Felele again? He asked. No I’m not going again, I changed my mind. He dropped me and I gave him N200 without asking for my change. When I dropped I went to I nearby shop and cried my life out. What will I tell my husband who is waiting for the good news? How do I explain my behavioural change and dramas? I felt like committing suicide that moment. While I was lost in thought my phone rang, it was my husband. Hello sweet heart, how did it go, are you through in the hospital, have you done the test? What is the result of the test? I didn’t know which of his questions to answer. I will be home soon, I replied and ended the call.

Between ten minutes, series of questions and thoughts had overwhelmed me. Why and how can Sally who is a well known sinner be pregnant before her wedding and me who have been serving God faithfully to the best of my knowledge is made to go through this? I kept myself, Sally wasted herself yet Jacob’s blessing is given to Esau and Esau’s blessing given to Jacob. What have I done wrong? What is my offence? What did Sally do right that I didn’t do?

[nextpage title=”episode 6″]
Part Six*

I came home and met my husband in a happy mood. He had set the dining table ready in anticipation of the good news. It wasn’t closing time but he was already home, obviously to hear the news first hand. However, there was no good news to tell my husband. I looked at the joy and excitement in his face and felt very bad at that moment. I started imagining the treatment I would have received from my husband if I could just announce to him that “I am pregnant”. Why did God turn my happiness to sadness? It was really heavy for me to inform him that I was not pregnant after all the drama. I handed over the envelope to him and rushed to the bathroom to fix my sanitary pad so as to avoid the flow from staining me.

He took the brown envelope and stared at it for a long time without altering a word. My husband is a man of faith and I know that. After some minutes he joined me in the bedroom where I was sobbing, ‘why are you crying my sweet heart?’ He asked. ‘Why won’t I cry? When God seems to have forgotten me but choose to show kindness to a sinner. I may not be a perfect Christian but I am a good one. Why will I keep myself for all these years and God will choose to pay me back in this painful way, I retorted as I sobbed bitterly. My husband was temporarily confused, he was short of words and I understood as he tried to mutter some words but swallowed them again. He couldn’t withstand my tears as some unsolicited tears dropped down his own cheeks uncontrollably.

He later summoned strength and courage and said, ‘sweetheart, it is too early to worry about pregnancy. We are barely less than two months in marriage and you are already devastated because you didn’t conceive in the first month. You need to take it easy, if you didn’t achieve pregnancy this month, you can achieve it next month. Stop accusing God that way, that’s close to blaspheming. Stop crying and wipe away your tears. I am your husband and we are in it together.’ He hugged me, cuddled me, kissed me, etc but all that made no meaning to me at that moment.

For three days, I lost my appetite. My husband tried to make me eat but I couldn’t. All the times he forced me to, I threw it all up eventually. He was so worried that he called my mom to inform her of all that has happened and my attitude towards the matter. My mom called me and cheered me up. She took her time to explain the ovulation process and how I should take advantage of it next month. I thanked my mom and we ended the call. That gave me some small relief and was able to eat some noodles. I made up my mind to yield to my mom’s advice and take full advantage of my ovulation time. I started calculating based on the way my mom taught me.

From my calculations, my ovulation was supposed to be around 15th, by 12th I started giving my husband enough water melon and dates fruit to boost his performance for the period. Even when I was having pains I didn’t let my husband know so as not to advice we should minimize the number of times we met together. I made him sleep with me twice before he left for work and when he came back from work, we did it before his meal. At night, we could go as much as three to four rounds. I was determined not to leave any stone unturned this time. At some point, he complained mildly, ‘sweetheart don’t you think we are having too much of sex?’ He asked. ‘What is too much sex for a new couple who wants a child?’ I replied. ‘Don’t tell me you are already getting bored with sex just after two months of marriage. If we don’t have sex how do you want me to be pregnant?’ He was pacified and apologized for complaining.

After a weeklong sex romp with my husband I started having some pains around my lower abdomen, the pains were hurting and sharp. I didn’t bother to tell my husband because I don’t want him to tell me to go to the hospital. I endured the pain for two weeks thinking it will subside but it rather grew worse.

On the 3rd of November I went to the nearby pharmacy to get pregnant test kits. I will carry out the test myself before going to the hospital for confirmation. I was anxious it will be positive this time. I did the test and I didn’t understand the result. I went back to the pharmacist the following day for him to explain to me how to interpret the result of the test. He did and asked me to get another kit to re-conduct the test. While I was going home that day I asked myself, “Maryam why the desperation? Why do you want to kill yourself over pregnancy for a marriage that’s less than three months?” I challenged myself in many ways but yet I was still worried. I threw away the new pregnancy test kit I just bought and went home trusting God.

The pain in my abdomen became unbearable by the day. I spoke to my husband about it and of course he said we will see the doctor tomorrow. He didn’t seek for my consent the following day when he came back from work and told me to prepare for a visit to the hospital. ‘Sweet heart, I think I am better now and there will be no need going to the hospital again,’ I told him. My husband took me by my hand and pulled me up and pointed towards the room, ‘go in there and put on your clothes now,’ he said. I obeyed him and went in to change my clothes.

[nextpage title=”episode 7″]
Part Seven*

My husband practically dragged me to the hospital. He made all the complaints to the doctor as I was economical with information about my health so as to avoid any treatment that will jeopardize my chances of conceiving that month. Immediately the doctor asked me to lie on the patient stretcher so he could observe me. He did I quick scan on my abdomen, ‘madam you may stand up.’ He said after the scan. My eyes were fixed on his lips, anxious to hear his diagnosis. ‘Sir, madam is having an infection and that is the cause of the pain, I will place her on medication for two weeks. I will also treat you so you won’t pass it to her again through sexual intercourse.

Does it mean I am not pregnant? I asked myself and unknown to me my silent question was loud enough that the doctor heard it. ‘No madam, you are not pregnant. Even if you were pregnant I would prefer we take care of this infection first.’ At that moment I hated my husband for bringing me to hear this bad news, I hated the doctor too for giving me this bad news. For the period we spent with the doctor I was quiet all through. Inside the car while going home I didn’t say a word to my husband neither did I reply any of his conversations.

We got home and my husband gave me the dose for that night. ‘I won’t take these drugs because I know I don’t have any infection. Even if I have an infection, my God will heal me.’ I told my husband.

My husband was not happy about my attitude and I could see anger all over his face. The drugs were too powerful for an expectant mother and I didn’t wish to take such medication at the moment . It will suspend my plans of getting pregnant for two months. If I take the drugs now, it will flush out my pregnancy and will not allow me observe my ovulation time for the next month. I refused to take the drugs but kept praying to God for this month’s pregnancy to stay.

I started vomiting some days later. I quickly rushed to the calendar to calculate the days I missed my period, it was the 29th day after the last circle. I quickly put a call through to Sally, ‘I think I am pregnant’, I told her on phone. ‘Have you gone for a test?’ she asked me. ‘I have been vomiting for two days now and I haven’t seen my menses for 29 days, do I need any test to know I am pregnant?’
‘Missing your menses for 29 days and vomiting are not enough to conclude you are pregnant. Dear friend, please go for pregnancy test tomorrow. I know it will surely be positive, congratulations in advance.’ she said. I couldn’t explain what I felt because of what Sally said and the congratulation greeting.

My fear with going for pregnancy test is the fact that I will not be able to withstand “madam you are not pregnant” or “madam the test is negative”. I decided I won’t go to the hospital for a test until I see more signs of pregnancy.

My husband and I had not been friendly terms because of my refusal to take the drugs prescribed for the treatment of the infection. I knew I was still in control of his heart because of the love he had for me, so I wasn’t afraid. More so, I know telling him that I was pregnant will change his attitude, all I needed was just to be sure I was pregnant.

I waited on till the 36th day before I told my husband I was ready for a pregnancy test. He smiled and said ‘pregnancy test you will have.’ He quickly dressed up and we drove to the hospital. This time I was more optimistic because I had seen almost all the pregnancy signs I have heard of in my life. My blood sample was taken, ‘you may wait at the reception,’the lab lady announced to us. But this was not the method last time, I sat with the man while he did the test. Why is this lady asking us to go out first for a test that’s less than fifteen minutes? We obeyed and went to sit at the reception. Fifteen minutes later she called out my name to come for my result. My husband asked me to sit down while he went for the result but I pretended as if I didn’t hear him, so I followed him right behind. As soon as I saw the lady handing over a brown envelope to my husband I started feeling dizzy. Before my husband could collect the envelope I was down on the floor. All that happened thereafter was explained to me when I regained my consciousness.

[nextpage title=”episode 8″]
Part Eight*

My infection had gone bad at this time, with whitish and creamy fluid coming out of my private. I knew I had no option this time other than to submit myself for treatment. The drugs were intimidating and horrible but I didn’t have any other choice than to complete the dose. I took the drugs in pain and bitterness. After two weeks I was asked to go for scanning to know the level of my responsiveness to treatment. The doctor wasn’t satisfied with my condition so he placed me on another two weeks heavy treatment. Those times were close to hell for me. One whole month of swallowing pills and heavy antibiotics.

I became jealous of Sally as her pregnancy advanced by the day while I was battling with an infection. Three months later nothing happened, all my attempts to get pregnant never materialized. I became tired of life and wish I could just die. My inability to conceive turned into a nightmare. My husband had grown leaned for too much of sex yet I was not pregnant for once. I made a lot of research on Google and other fertility websites all to no avail. I forced my husband to see a specialist on my inability to conceive but I was advised to calm down and that I had no need to worry until after one year. One year looked like ten years. I can’t wait for one year, I told myself. I must be pregnant next month by all means.

My phone rang while I was in the bathroom twice. When I came out to check my caller, it
was Sally. I called back, “hello Sally,’ ‘hello Maryam’, she greeted back. ‘I called to inform you that I was delivered of a baby boy yesterday,’ she said. I managed to congratulate her, I faked happiness but I was not happy deep inside of me. After we ended the conversation my body system changed immediately. Many evil thoughts took hold of me. My friend who we thought will not be able to get pregnant is now a mother, Maryam the holy virgin cannot achieve one day pregnancy. It was useless keeping my virginity all these years. I should have enjoyed myself like Sally did. All the years of denial were needless after all.

My husband came back from work that day with a news of promotion in his office. He was so excited about it but I was indifferent, neither did I show any sign of happiness. “Sweet heart, you didn’t even congratulate me for my new promotion,’ he queried. ‘Why should I congratulate you? Other men are impregnating their wives you, you are bringing promotion letter to the house. I want positive pregnancy test result in a white envelope not a promotion letter in a brown envelope.’ His countenance suddenly changed from good to bad. He just quietly left me in the sitting room to the bedroom. I went after him and screamed at the top of my voice, ‘impregnate me or I die! Strong and real men give their wives children. My husband did not alter a word and that made it painful. I moved closed to him, held his cloth as if he was owing me money. ‘If you are man enough make me pregnant now,’ he held me and said in a calm tune, “God makes all things beautiful in his own time”.

Our marriage will soon be one year and I have not been seen with pregnancy. I no longer attended church regularly for shame and unnecessary questioning from church members. In fact, I began to hate those prayers people do whenever they see me. Those prayers makes everyone know you are waiting on the Lord for fruit of the womb. I started avoiding some women in church for the embarrassment from their so called prayers and wishes. This continued until I met with mama ibeji, they call her mama ibeji because she had a set of twins. She walked up to me after Sunday service, ‘Mrs Omeiza how are you?’ ‘I am fine ma’am’, I replied. ‘Can I have a chat with you? Yes ma’am.’ I already knew she was going to talk about conception because she’s one of those zealous women who will not mind their business in church. I just wanted her to say what she wanted to say so I can go. ‘I know what you are going through Mrs Omeiza because I was there too. I waited three years after our wedding before God answered me.’ I didn’t know she waited that long anyway before having her children. She told me about a pastor in Abaji who God has been using to answer the prayer of waiting mothers. She promised to take me there if I was willing. Why won’t I be willing? I want to carry my baby too.

How to tell my husband I want to go and see a prophet over conception is a big problem. He will never subscribe to that idea because he is a man of faith. I started thinking of lies and immediately I thought of telling him I want to go and see my mom. I got it all planned out with Iya ibeji and we took off to Abaji the following day. When we got to Abaji I was expecting Iya ibeji to take me to a church since we were going to see a prophet but I was shocked to my bones when we got into the hotel and iya ibeji bought a ticket in my name at the reception. I summoned courage to asked her, “ma I thought you said we are coming to see a prophet, why are we here in a hotel? Do you want to carry your baby or not? She asked me as she looked through my eyes. Of course I want to carry my baby. So I replied, ‘I want to carry my baby.’ It seems a section of the hotel have been leased to prophet David Evans for this work. We got to the section and met two other women on the waiting queue. We sat down and waited for our turn. When we got in, I was expecting to see a man on suit with a Bible on his table and probably a bottle of anointing oil but that was far from it. Rather I saw a funky man with a well furnished office surrounded with beautiful electronic gadgets. This man can’t be a prophet, I thought within me.

What do you think Maryam is into? Let’s see in part nine.

[nextpage title=”episode 9″]
Part Nine*

‘Sir, this is the woman I told you about on phone, she has been married for a year without a child. Please kindly help her like you did for me sir.’ Iya ibeji pleaded with prophet David. ‘Have you told her the terms and conditions?’ ‘No sir, but I know she will cooperate because she needs a child desperately. I will excuse you now with her for further counseling.’ Iya ibeji stood up and was leaving me and prophet David alone in the room. I became afraid as she closed the door behind her. No prayers, no quoting of Bible, nothing religious at all.

‘Madam do you want to carry your baby or not?’ He repeated same question Iya ibeji asked me as we entered the hotel. ‘Yes sir I want to carry my baby,’ I replied with fear all over me. ‘How do you want it, a male or female, twins or triplets?’ I didn’t know the conditions but I quickly said triplets. ‘That’s good madam, give me your hand.’ I stretched out my hands towards him and he looked at my palm like a man reading something on it. After two minutes he released my hand and went back to his seat. Triplet is N600,000 with three weeks prayer camping. When you are ready you can inform iya ibeji. ‘You may go,’ he said. I took my bag and left his office in hurry to join Iya ibeji at the reception. ‘How did it go?’ She asked me. ‘Ma, I thought you said we are coming to see a prophet? This man in there is not a prophet of God. I didn’t see any Bible on his table neither did he offer a word of prayer. He charged me N600,000 for triplet with three weeks prayer camping. Ma, I doubt if I am interested, I am a Christian and I can’t do anything ungodly because I want children. I will wait on God, his time is the best.’

Where on earth will I get N600,000 when I have not started working? There’s no way I can ask even N100,000 from my husband without him investigating what I want to use it for. If I have to lie to him it must be a well planned lie. But I am a Christian, I can’t pay N600,000 just to have baby.’

But how long will I wait for God? In my tears I told God to prove himself within three months or else I will give prophet David’s proposal a trial. “If you are God and you don’t want me to go back to prophet David you must answer me within three months.” I gave God ultimatum. I became a chronic liar as I had to tell my husband many lies to cover up my visit to prophet David Evans. My husband must not know I visited a prophet without his consent, it will be a serious issue if he knows. My thoughts were divided, should I consider prophet David’s proposal or not?

One month came and passed nothing happened. I made life really difficult for my husband within this time. His fasting lifestyle became a big challenge in the home. I became worried for the fasting because he was getting leaner and he began to lose interest in the bedroom. This became our major reason for quarrel daily. This night you must break this fasting, my ovulation starts today and I can’t let you continue the fast and let my ovulation time pass. ‘Sweet heart, why haven’t you conceived all this time you have been observing your ovulation period? Let’s deal with the root cause, the Bible says this kind goeth not out but by fasting and prayer, he quoted. I wasn’t interested in the scripture he’s quoting, I wanted to maximize this time because the ultimatum I gave to God will elapse next month.

Iya ibeji did not allow me to breath since our visit to prophet David. ‘You don’t have to wait for three years like I waited when you have solution to your problem at the tip of your finger. All those you wedded around the same time are all carrying their babies except you. Will you wait until you get frustrated by your husband’s people? You better make hay while the sun shines,’ Iya ibeji encourage me. Her words penetrated me even to my marrows, “all those you wedded around the same time are all carrying their babies except you”. These words echoed in my ears now and then.

The three months ultimatum I gave to God elapsed and I was still not pregnant. Obviously God wanted me to go for prophet David’s proposal. But why me? Why do I have to go through this? What’s my sin before God? What is my reward for serving him all these years? Why will God abandoned me this much? Where are his promises? How do I raise N600,000? What will I be doing for three weeks camping with prophet David, I know for sure it isn’t going to be prayer. I picked my phone and scrolled through iya ibeji’s number. ‘Good evening iya ibeji……’

Do you think Maryam will accept Prophet David’s proposal?

[nextpage title=”episode 10″]
Part Ten*

‘I have made up my mind ma, I want to see Prophet David but I have some challenges ma.’ ‘What are the challenges? Don’t worry when we see in church tomorrow we will talk of the challenges. I am happy that you have finally made up your mind.’ She was so happy about my decision. My challenges are how to raise N600,000 and how to do all these without my husband knowledge.
My husband was suspicious of my new relationship with iya ibeji because I have never told him anything about her nor the topic of our discussions yet we were always together after every of our services. I had to keep my husband waiting most times just to see iya ibeji. My husband could not hold his peace anymore because today’s discussion with Iya ibeji was just too long. I knew he will insist on knowing the subject of our discussion today so I started planning out lies before he confronted me.

Just like I predicted, my husband insisted I must tell him what I have been discussing with Iya ibeji. Nothing serious, she has been encouraging me and praying along with us on the issue of my inability to conceive. He wasn’t convinced but he had to accept my explanation like that. All through the night I couldn’t sleep because of the terrible things iya ibeji suggested to me. How can I sleep with Chief Mike just for N600,000? Things I didn’t do while I was single, why I’m doing it now that I am married? This is pure adultery. But I needed the money to pay Prophet David. After all it is just one meeting with Chief Mike. I will do it, God has to forgive me. If he could forgive Sally for all the atrocities she committed why won’t he forgive me for just a one time adultery? Chief Mike is considerate for requesting just a one time meeting for N600,000. I made up my mind to do it.

I had never seen Chief Mike before until iya ibeji took me to his guest house. He was an elderly man in his late 60s. He kept to his promise as he handed over a polythene bag containing N500 notes of N600,000 to me. We didn’t talk too much as it all sounded like a deal. Iya ibeji was glad when I came out of his room with the black polythene bag. ‘Congratulations, you will soon be a mother,’ she held my hand and we walked out of the guest house together. But I was really ashamed because all of chief’s staff who attended to us knew what I came for. A married woman for that matter.

I had crossed the first hurdle, I have the money but how was I going to make it for the two weeks camping with prophet David without my husband’s knowledge? I kept the money with Iya ibeji because there was no how I could keep it without my husband discovering it. Two weeks after I got the money there was no idea of the type of lie I could tell my husband until he came home that day with a letter for a three weeks course in Port Harcourt. I was so happy because this came at the right time. My husband was perplexed with my reaction towards his course compared to when he was promoted.

The day my husband left for Port Harcourt, I left for Abaji the following day. I made all payments and was given my room. It was room 5. I was there all alone until around 8pm when a lady knocked at my door, ‘who is there? I asked. ‘It’s me Stella.’ I headed towards the door since it was a lady’s voice. We greeted and she told me the lord Bishop will be seeing me by 9:45pm tonight and I should get set. I lost my peace after Stella told me Prophet David will be seeing me by 9:45pm. What exactly is he coming to do? I couldn’t eat the food they served me because of fear. But I had reached the point of no return. At exactly 9:45pm, there was a knock at my door and I knew it must be Prophet David but for courtesy sake I asked, who is there? It was Stella who responded, “the lord Bishop”. I opened the door as Stella led him in and took her leave. I couldn’t look at his face because I knew I was in for something dirty. He sat on the bed as he opened his bag and brought out a bottle water and stretched it to me, “take drink, this is the blood of my new covenant that was shed for you”. I know I normally hear this quotation whenever our pastor wants to serve us holy communion in church. I took the water and drank as he instructed. The next thing, he pulled of his clothes and was standing before me stark naked.

[nextpage title=”episode 11″]
Part Eleven*

I was half conscious and half unconscious. I knew all the time he came on me but I couldn’t resist him or say anything. Was this what iya ibeji went through before having her twins? For the two weeks Prophet David took advantage of me. He gave me no breathing space day nor night. He will always sprinkle water on my private part before using me. My phone was taken away all through and switched off. I was to leave on Thursday, by Wednesday evening I was in full control of myself. ‘Where is my phone? I asked lady Stella. ‘Your phone will be given to you later tonight.’ When she brought my phone I quickly switched it on and I got more than ten SMS. Most of the messages were from my husband. While I was trying to go through the messages my phone rang, ‘Lo and behold, it was my husband, I didn’t pick as I had to think of a lie to tell him. He called again and I picked, ‘what happened my sweet heart?’ He asked anxiously. ‘My phone fell inside the three-seater sofa and I didn’t know it was switched off. I just discovered it today. It didn’t take him time to believe me. We talked at length and he narrated all his experience in Lagos. I will be back in a week’s time, he said and ended the call.

Many things happened thereafter but after six months I was not pregnant. Iya ibeji kept encouraging me to be patient. She assured me I will be pregnant. My life became a mess – I started perceiving an offensive odour around my private part ever since I returned from Prophet David’s place. It came with itching and pain. I hid what I was going through from my husband but he noticed the odour and I guessed he couldn’t tell me.

One year after, I was not pregnant. Sally was already pregnant with her second baby without stress. I told myself that if I didn’t get pregnant before she gave birth to her second baby I will denounce my faith in God. As far as i was concerned, it wasn’t worth it, serving God without anything to show for it. I had stopped observing my ovulation period because previous efforts had been fruitless. N600,000 had gone down the drain yet I couldn’t make trouble. Prophet David had abused me yet I had to remain mute. I had been battling with STDs I contacted from Prophet David but I couldn’t speak out. My salvation was already at stake, I couldn’t return back to God because I was angry with him for allowing me go through all these shameful and painful experiences. If God were human, I won’t forgive him.

‘Madam why did you wait for so long before coming to the hospital? The doctor asked me. This is one of the dreaded STDs medical science has been battling with in recent times. I may have to refer you to a gynecologist for better attention. He wrote a short note on his complementary card and gave it to me to give to Dr Robert. He promised to call Dr Robert before I got there.

“Madam, where is your husband? I can’t treat you until I see your husband or any representative of your family, Dr Robert told me. I was afraid my secret was about to be leaked out. This was the end of the road for me, I began to contemplate suicide, because I couldn’t face the shame. I refused to tell my husband until my condition grew worse. The odour became unbearable, I practically stank like a dead fowl. At this time my husband became bold enough to ask me why I was smelling. And without waiting for an answer, he said, ‘We will see the doctor tomorrow.

Your wife is suffering from a chronic STD and it has affected her kidneys and her womb. If we don’t carry out a surgery on her in four days she may not be able to conceive again. My husband was shocked. ‘Doctor can we do the operation today?’ My husband asked, yes of course, if you are ready, the doctor told my husband. In less than thirty minutes I was wheeled to the theater for surgery. When I opened my eyes I saw my mom, our pastor and some brethren surrounded my bed. The way they all looked at me made me suspicious that something bad had happened. I was discharged but I kept seeing the doctor every week for check up. My journey of barrenness lasted for 14 years. All my friends and family connived not to tell me that my womb was removed during the operation in order to save my life. I knew this when I went for a check up in another hospital while my husband was away to Ghana. I have been without a womb for over ten years without knowing.

[nextpage title=”episode 12″]
Last episode

After God did not answer my prayers I totally backslided. Sally
had three wonderful kids already and had since stopped giving
birth. To help me overcome my frustration I started taking
alcohol secretly. Alcohol could not suppress my depression
anymore and I tried hard drugs. I became a professional
adulteress not minding if my husband knew or not. In all these
my husband was still faithful to God. He was always praying for
me. Whenever I messed up myself, he will clean me up and get
me to sleep. If you are looking for a Christian, Omeiza is one. I
wanted God to judge me so that I can tell the whole world how
unfair he is but his judgement tarried except that I had no womb
and I could not conceive.
For a long time I didn’t hear from Sally. That didn’t bother me
anyway because anytime I hear from her it was one good news
or the other. She seemed to be moving from glory to glory while
I moved from shame to shame. I saw a post from one of our
coursemates on Facebook of a friend who wedded at 42 and Sally
was in the selfie, but Sally was really lean in the picture. I
started making contacts on how to reach Sally, I needed to know
what happened to her that she became this lean. In no time I got
across to her. ‘Sally, what happened to you? I saw your picture
on facebook and I was shocked that you had grown so lean.’ For
almost forty seconds she didn’t say anything. ‘Sally are you
there?’ ‘Yes Maryam, I have been sick but I am better now’, she
replied. ‘I will need to come and see you.’ I promised to see her in
two weeks.
When I got to Sally’s place, she was leaner than what I saw on
Facebook and I was afraid. My friend’s beautiful skin had shrunk
badly with black spots all over her. As I was about screaming I
saw a pack of retroviral drugs on her dinning table. ‘Sally you are
positive?’ I asked in surprise. She bowed her face without saying
a word. I knew she was HIV positive already. I became more
scared but I had to encourage my friend. I hugged her and
whispered to her ears “God will see you through”. I still had to
pretend I was still a Christian but I had a sharp pain on my chest
with a voice telling me “it would soon be your turn”. I tried to
rebuke that voice but there wasn’t any inner impetus to do so. I
wept bitterly as if I was weeping for my friend, but no, I was
weeping for myself. I couldn’t stand what I saw so I left the
following day.
On my way back to Lokoja, ‘I kept having thoughts of accident.
“If you die now where are you going to?” I asked myself. The
Sally you have been using as yardstick to judge God is already
paying for her sins, the voice kept talking to me. I was restless
all through the journey. Maybe I am also HIV positive, I thought
within me. Suddenly I noticed I have been foolish, I told God I
was sorry. If you can give me another chance oh Lord I will serve
you all the days of my life with or without a child. I got relieved
as soon as I made that prayer. I arrived Lokoja safely. I knelt
down before my husband and confessed all my sins before him, I
wept and asked him for his forgiveness. He wept along with me
but he felt very bad for the story he heard about me for the
first time. I could read the handwriting in each drop of his tears. “I
have forgiven you sweet heart, he lifted me up and hugged me
tight for what seemed like hours. I wept the more while on his
arm, my tears were tears of genuine repentance and regret. I
became indebted to my husband for his patience and endurance.
Since it was obvious I couldn’t get pregnant after my womb was
removed, we adopted a boy of six months from the orphanage
and named him Joseph. The day Joseph clocked one year I was
confirmed to be seven weeks pregnant. How can a woman who
has no womb be pregnant? Until my stomach started protruding I
didn’t believe I was pregnant. This is the hand work of Jehovah
On the 3rd of December I gave birth to a set of quadruplet, two
boys and two girls. God wiped away my tears of many years.
The chief medical director of the hospital was perplexed with the
stark possibility of a woman who had no womb but was yet able
to give birth not to one but four children at a time. He invited
African Independent Television(AIT) to cover my story. This
drew the attention of the First Lady of the state who paid us a
visit at the hospital. She placed the four kids on scholarship up to
university level. Many other families who watched the program on
AIT paid us a visit and each of them came with huge gifts. In less
than one week we became millionaires from the gifts we
received from the general public. Who says God is not alive?
Peter, Paul, Elizabeth and Esther will be two years in June. Praise
God who turned my captivity around.
For waiting mothers who are reading this story, don’t give up on
God, don’t try alternative means, don’t be too desperate, don’t
use anybody’s life as a standard for yours. God is not dull, he
makes all things beautiful in his own time.
This story is dedicated to all those who are waiting on the Lord
for the fruit of the womb.

The End…….

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.